embarrassing

But I love him is a frequently uttered defense of a specific relationship in my life. Having a self-defining relationship is horrible, crazy and embarrassing. A perpetual teeter-totter between
my intellect and emotions shape my time. I know, ridiculous right?
The worst parts are the more I talk to him the more I want to talk to him and during quiet periods, I want confirmation that his approval of me is in tact. Feeling that I am okay because my interaction with him went okay is not a route to true self worth.

Participating in such a relationship renders a kaleidoscope of emotions. I feel sad for myself because the focus on him is taking
focus away from myself and really who is the more important person in this equation, me right? or if you have such a relationship in your life, you right? Concern is a color in my viewfinder of life
because I feel I am performing a disservice to my other friends by
singling out a particular friend, however subliminal. You know what this is about right? the less secure relationship dominates in the social circle, mine anyway. It really is crazy and I have to change it.. I wonder if he will call me tonight.