Panting

A man invited me back to his pad..a three floor walk..I might add..as we arrive on the third landing I asked him to go ahead of me..while he was unlocked his door.. I panted..and not for him ..I might add..

Tasteless

My needed to have..would like 26 miles uphill in 40 below weather..comfort foods do not satisfy me anymore. Many times they do not have any taste.. This could a natural breaking free of some of the habits that harm me

Quartet of Girls

A quartet of girls sat on the opposite side ..from me..on the subway.. They chatted up their proposed flick for that night's viewing and the cost of lottery tickets. The quieter girl of the pack confessed to the girl closest to her,: "I do not like going to movies" No verbal response was given in reaction to her words..

"Should not have had Sex"

I used to be in frequent contact with a man. We had sex. Our schedules changed and our phone tag increased. A girlfriend observed, "You should not have had sex with him...that is why you are two are not talking as much"... Ah, by the way,..I do not need to have sex with a man for him to reject me..it can happen all on it's own..

Swig

I was partnered with a vodka ingesting..straight from the bottle..train passenger..we were sitting next to each other.. He began to talk to me. I sincerely responded and wished him wellness. He told me he could do without the sarcasm..I told him to take another swig..

Shoe laces

I have officially become old. A girl was walking in front of me. Her shoe lace was untied. It took all I had not to ask her to tie the laces..

"Are you Parking"?

Most of my phone conversations with my friends are the length of the friend's car-ride. I dot my words with "are you parking?" .."oh it sounded like you were parking" There is always a risk that when a story is started by either party, the ride will end before the story will end. Good bye has been exchanged for "I have arrived"

Came from a World

A man called me. I began a rant regarding my manager. He informed me that while he wanted to talk to me, he could not engage in a conversation regarding my job. I felt rebuffed..I was annoyed..then I realized that I came from a world where people did not express their feelings in a straight forward manner..resulting in a blow up from a build up of feelings.. The man performed what I had asked others to do..and I am, now, grateful, for it..

HOT BODY

I snatched a forgotton fun-size snickers from my bra. It had melted nearly to a milk-shake consistancy.. could this mean I have the affirmation I have been searching for.. "A HOT BODY"

Hairy Warmth

I asked a man about his beard. He informed me that he was exploring the theory that facial hair would provide him with more warmth.. Yeah, I had a similiar theory..I stopped getting my hair cut in september.

Cart Tracks

I was complaining to a work friend about the downside of having a homeless boyfriend.."you always have to be out..we never can just stay in".. He suggested I share my hearth with the man of the hour..really? and invite cart tracks on the carpet..??

Kindness Fulfilled

I would instruct the universe that I wanted to be considered a kind person. A man texts, routinely, to thank me for my kindness. Perhaps the universe answers our requests..just on a different emotional timeline

Ear Flaps

I am just going to say it. I can not take men that wear hats with ear flaps seriously. It is how I choosing to roll this winter..

Fasting for a Cause

I did not eat for about twelve hours..wasn't really hungry..I felt faint.. It made me wonder if people fasting for a cause keep tight schedules

"Pre-Heat the Oven"

A man,going through divorce, described his evenings to me. He bakes and then consumes the goodies while watching "The Price is Right" I asked if I could join him..let's get that oven pre-heated already!

Re-Entry of Abusers

I invite potential abuse into my life. I create the doorway for their re-entry by returning their calls. My reasons feel just. I returned the call of one abuser because I wanted to keep lines of communication open for when a beloved was in the hospital. The beloved was in the hospital and I was not informed. The excuses are pointless when I do not share the same page as the abuser..being abusive confirms a lack of concern for my heart or mind anyway.. This is a keen emotional detour that makes my life harder.

Enemy of Back Fat

I am engaging in self doubt at work. My imediate thought is the correct one..yet I will ask my manager to confirm my evaluation. She will respond in a tone that would indicate that I killed randomly selected members of her family while leaving others to hobble for food and in a physical pose that could only illustrate that she is an enemy of back fat. I am left to mutter: " yeah,no, that is what I thought..wanted to be sure..I am comitting the crime of self doubt"

Pot-Stickers

I met a man outside a bed and breakfast. He asked me up to his room for some hanky panky...I opted to get pot-stickers

Better Sneaks

The man,begging for money, outside the library has better tennis shoes then I do..

Other Passengers

When my train stop aproaches, I verbally alert the other passengers..it is my way of being thoughtful

Better Luggage

The better dressed homeless people are the ones with better luggage.

Emotional Parasite

I select certain people to be emotional parasites. I am a quite willing ..be it asleep at wheel..host. The selection and start of the process is not clear to me. Perhaps because it is a little to natural to me and that is why how it starts is unclear to me. I am thinking that I am thinking.."he is really interesting ..he could be a really good earth teacher..I am dazzled by his arid wit" ..yet it runs deeper I absorb and catalogue everything the person has ever told,me, about him or his life. My almost constant availability and non-judgemental listening will prompt the selected parasite to reveal tidbits about all areas of his life. They praise me for my memory and my acceptance. Writing this directed me to an awareness..I engaged in this form of vocation for my father. I did it to stand out to my father..and I want to stand out to the selected men..

I could do this..

When I was in my twenties, I babysat for families in Cambridge..near Harvard Square.. I would stand in apartments with approachable furniture and overstuffed book cases..observing and interacting with fathers and mothers individually..and I thought I could live like this.. Being married and walking with my child to the park or to a museum..I thought I could fit in here.. I never felt that way on the west coast.

Changing Companies

A manager and I changed companies on the same day. It has not been a smooth transition. We steal moments to take turns describing what has brought us to the verge of tears.

Everyday

Everyday is a new opportunity to work towards a better life I must keep this in the front of my brain

The Anti-Library

I go to the Copley library in Boston several times a week. It appears to be the loudest library I have ever used. It could be considered the anti-library. People shout out their friend's names across book galleries and eat fast food at the tables meant to be used for research. The only time I see security react is when people sleep..when people doze while reading..they are warned and evicted

Time Passages

I am intimidated by the passage of time. Breaking down blocks of time enables me to face it..a minute at a time..an hour at a time