A New Line

A man rejected me. He did not care for my looks. I got word that he feels "like hell about it" A part of me has wanted to console him..wanting to give him the emotional sav of laughing through his grief over loosing me..his idea or not..he is sad I have a new line for my list of self improvements

"So What"?

I tend to bogged down in my thoughts and other's..I am learning to ask myself "so what" when other people's thoughts take over mine

Being in the Golden Light Tomorrow

There are days when I want to lay down. I will get bad news. Challenges being thrown in my path..not always knowing where to to walk... Particular people will create obstacles for no clear reason... Even though, my trail may have weeds..broken glass..and slush..I have to keep going. I have to keep trying now routes and seeking new life maps. Because being in the slush today does not mean I will not be in the golden light tomorrow

Stomach

I was standing in front a male friend's car door. When leaving me to walk to the driver's side, he gently touched my stomach. My whole life I was told that my stomach was what was wrong with me. His slight caress was one of the more healing experiences of my life.

His Mistress

I found out that a high school friend died. He engaged in a fuller love story with alcohol in his forties. His mistress took him before his fiftieth birthday. I feel sad that that was who he turned to during his free moments..perhaps more so during the quietest moments before bed.. He gave me such joy..

Everything that I Needed

I used to spend time with a married couple. The wife would make biting remarks to the husband..my eternal anxiety would spike.. The man would wink at me..I took that to mean ..her words are not hurting me..I would calm down..he gave me everything that I needed in that moment..

Who is in Control?

I got a report of a woman going through a divorce. She was tired of being scared of him..tired of feeling uncomfortable..tired of feeling constricted.. The marriage was funded by her money..I always thought the person with the money was the one in control.. perhaps the person in control is the one that takes it..

It was Strange

It was strange. A man calls me though-out the week. I do not take his calls more often then I do.. He called..Being to drowsy to do anything more constructive then remove lint from my coat I returned his call..we had our usual convo..and ended the call almost singularly.. Upon completion of his departure greeting..I felt really sad..my mind flooded with the desire to have a cocktail and a cigarette.. I turned to you-tube instead..

Philip Seymour Hoffman

I read that Philip Seymour Hofffman told his drug dealer...I do not want to do this anymore ..I want to kick this..I hate coming here.. I have thought that way regarding my behaviors and people ..in all areas of my life..

Who to Listen To?

When unsure who to listen to..Listen to yourself..

Spoiler Alert

People and I discuss the status of friendships..friends that seem to have removed themselves..a missing of them I have experienced friends from my past returning to my present at unexpected times..Frequently when I have released them with well wishes..they will come back Our stories have not been written ...our endings are a SPOILER ALERT

Holding the Door Open

I asked a woman how she met her husband. She revealed that they attended graduate school on the same campus..whenever he saw her he would hold the door open for her. It made an impression..the kindest gestures can change a life in all areas