pep talks

Yesterday,I was struck with an attack of conscience when interacting with a girlfriend. She informed me of her desire to perform on stage. I responded to her
confession with a pep talk resulting in a debate with my inner voice and outer voice. As my outer voice was saying, there is nothing you can not do, my inner voice
said nothing? she would not be able to negotiate weapon reductions with Korea. Finding it hard to present a viable response to my inner voice's position, I morphed
my statement (to my friend)from there is nothing you can not do to you will be surprised at what you are able to do. My inner debate ended when I ended the pep talk by encouraging my girlfriend to always follow her inner voice.

sparkling floors

Each night I stare at my floors and ponder the display of grime and the ultimate question springs to mind, "what if I am declared dead and my friends are faced with the task of giving my stuff to the goodwill, view this floor and it will become my legacy"? So one night, I poured water and a few dabs of Walgreen's discounted shampoo on the floor, with each stroke of the sponge mop, pixels of embarrassment
were wiped away from my self-image. Pride quickly morphed to panic, "did I dry the
floor properly"? My fear of slipping, becoming disabled and lessening my employment
opportunities lead me to cling to my furniture and walls like a blind person learning
a new floor plan. My floors are dry and sparkling and I can continue jay-walking without fear.

life lessons and public transportation

When I was in high school, I sat on the bus stop bench feeling sorry for myself because I did not have a date to the Christmas dance. A partially blind women joined me on the bench to excitedly report to me that she was able to save just enough money for a plastic Christmas tree. Her level of glee invoked a level of shame in me, I had more then I needed and I was engaging in self-pity and she was blind in one eye and yet she possessed a brighter vision of life.

In my twenties, a black man sat down next to me on the bus, feeling that I take to much room in life, I moved my purse to create room for him to sit more comfortably,
he exclaimed "I am not going to take your purse". Being stunned, I squeezed out "of course not", he did not appear convinced. The verbal exchange was an indelible lesson on what it was like to feel like an outsider.


I was staring at my tennis shoes and feeling that their dirt stains were emblems of my income reversal. The bus approached and as I paying the fare I looked over the passengers and I took in a rider without feet. It sounds like a country-western song! it is true. A perfect lesson of appreciating what you have, because the next person may have less.

going visiting

She was summoned to visit an older relative, he greeted her with a joyous expression in the foyer of his home. To earn the welcome, she informed him that he
looked like a "brooks brother" model. He escorted her to his living room, they sat on opposite loveseats. Once seated, he transforms from a joyous host to a disgruntled mime. She chooses to use the silence as a canvas and her tongue as a brush to create word pictures. no matter how vivid the word picture, no reaction is
garnered from the older relative. After feeling powerless in the quiet, the female guest rose from the loveseat and announced a change in her media and walks in the direction of the computer. While sending out e-mails, she hears the host tell his
cook, "hopefully she will stay for dinner", having to leave the room to elicit approval from her favorite male relative.

catching a good wave

After enduring a series of emotional undertows, I have come to splash in the deep sea of a dear old friendship. Follicking among the sandbars of memories, waves of acceptance and encouragement submerge me whole. Washing away some of the residual affects resulting from past undertows.

the golden rule

I treat most of the people I encounter (in my daily life) as I would like to be treated.. literally.. which has prompted the discovery that I am NEED-DEE! A signal of this affliction may have been when, during my first OA meeting, I had to affirm to each participant that they were brave to attend the meeting. A behavior that violates protocol which later explained the blair witch project type stares.

My looks have been a consistent source of painful evaluation. Periods were void of
new introductions of people or enviornments because I did not have the emotional strength to hear that my looks did not match my incredible insides always to be followed with maybe a black suit would help, we say this because we care. Due to this I zero in on the members of society that appear to need the most verbal approval about their looks and become their companion for life. An unexpected upside is that complements can be small talk and dual as a creative endeavor.I was hugged with relief that I could eat up any of my friend's visits with complements about their body parts, resulting in no discussions regarding my looks. PERFECT RIGHT?

While I was under the impression reducing anxiety in others about their looks would create my peace and healing. NO SUCH LUCK! Ironically I may have been sending out the exact contrarian impression I wanted to release, put good looking people at a premium and the ignore the rest. Long-distance healing does not work, healing like politics is best served local.

friends come and go

I had a male friend, we talked and exchanged messages daily. I went from the entertainer to the entertained. One night I got an e-mail, he was ceasing all
contact. I was cut at the knees. It hurt to wake up.

I have a new friend. My emotional map has expanded through his subtle direction and inspiring expectations. I wonder if I will get another e-mail