holding hands

Gushing to a friend, he held my hand. He was the one that took my hand. He wanted to hold my hand. Taking in the story, my friend said
it is not about whether he wanted to hold your hand, it is about whether you wanted your hand held by his hand. He blew my mind.
Think about how the above question applies to other aspects of our lives.
Perspective shifting

Life is a daily process

taking a breath

Take a breath before reacting, decision-making, movement. Taking a breath enables us to take in how we are reacting, what we are deciding and how we are moving. radically simple yet taking a moment will be the plume of the most powerful ripple affect of our lives.
Do we not ALL deserve a moment?

lake tahoe

Lake Tahoe vacation coming to an end. Walking with my father through barely a sunlit casino to catch a wee hours of the morning shuttle to the airport. spotting a lone man at a slot machine, I turned to my dad and said "I could never have an addiction that I would have to get
up early for"

assuming

Liberate from assumption. Liberate from reacting to non-verbal messages. A daily reduction of defensiveness, anxiety and distraction
occurs when responding to what the speaker says not to what we think is being said. A freedom in not drawing conclusions,  thinking
"I do not know" is a freedom that affects how we move in the world.

Life is a daily process

slow to react

Hearing the heartbreaks of others, I am quick to wonder,question and advise. Wanting to appear caring,engaged and focused on the speaker. Slow to say I am sorry this happened..is happening to you. Isn't that the focus you would want? It is for me.

Life is a daily process

"I know" people

"I know" people are everywhere. They nod knowingly and respond in tandem with the end of ALL our verbal messages with "I Know".
There were many times I wanted to sarcastically, mockingly say "REALLY"? Until I finally got it in my bones and brain that they say "I know"
because there is part of themselves that they do not feel they know, resulting in the coating of nervous energy. Wishing them peace more
then I wish to be sarcastic lessens my nervous energy.

Life is a daily process

!!!!

I want to flee from each exclamation point that I see littered on social websites.
I admit it, I do not get why all postings require an exclamation point. eating chicken and giving birth both invoke the same level of alacrity? Really?

frequency of use of label, devalues the label

childhood roles

vigilance is required to not slip into our childhood roles as adults. Being with new people and in a new city time traveled me directly back to my childhood roles of being a fixer,arranger, conductor of the emotional atmosphere. The reversal of behavior was most evident when I was selecting groceries to purchase for the weekend. Filling the air with verbal "have tos" while filling the cart.

Decision making is in the moments. Life is a daily process.

who we are

Whispering to a friend during a dress selecting mission, "I have badly scarred legs"
and he said "it is a part of who you are". Hearing this completely wiped away all my bad feelings regarding my scars. I have freedom from feeling the hot dread,regret and
awkwardness whenever I touch or display my legs.

The exchanged words among friends can lead to a lifelong gift.

keepin company with a zine rack

Fighting loneliness at a drugstore magazine rack. Wondering how long I can stand being
comforted by magazines with out attracting attention. A series of minutes lays in front of me in the form of a muted mirage to be faced. Loneliness erodes judgement leading to consuming bad foods and people. Struggling not to give in, life is a daily process.

silent connection

I sat with a friend while she was sick. The more she threw-up, the more I talked.
Offers, well wishes and consolation flowed out of my mouth. Holding her hair and the
stopping of my mouth was what she needed.

Silent simple acts are the most healing. a smile, a postcard, sharing nature in quiet

elimination diet

Leaving my phone on the bus transported me to freedom from certain individuals in my life. Being a social barnacle lends to a sleepwalking in relationships.

What about conducting an elimination diet for the non-essential people in our lives?
It is awakening how many of the "have to" people can be placed on the eliminated
diet list.

Making mental and journal notes when not associating with a member of the list can be
an excellent contemplative measure.

Don't we all have people in our lives that leaves us feeling bad when exiting their company? Eliminate them, we all deserve better.

one-liners.. your daily chuckle

The following comedic one-liners have either happened, I or a friend has said them
to me

Travel-
Getting security's double pat-down is the main reason I travel

Dreams-

To vacation at a hospice, where I can stay in bed and be praised for following a penlight with my eyes


Looks-

plastic surgery has been recommended to me over the phone ( She had not seen me)
I would be married if I would make a friend of mascara
leave my eye line until you get your eyebrows waxed ( a gay friend of course)

Helen Keller

Would a new floor plan be a life adventure for her?
I wonder if she has a high electric bill

Parents/Family
While my mum was on morphine, Flack's "killing me softly" played in background
While my father was in a coma, I greeted him by telling him not to get up.
My family gave me a Toyota for my birthday.. was told not to get brakes checked

Tired
I laid on the couch as if to be fitted for a coffin
The only way I could rise from bed was with a Crane

Gay Friends
My friend finds a speedo to be modest
My friend wore his thong for his DVM photo
I have yet to be forgiven for not being able to fold a napkin properly

Dating
When shown his penis, for the first time, I exclaimed "I accept you"

complimenting

I approached a Florida Representative in the Baltimore airport and complemented her.
(a tip: Baltimore airport is a good airport to run into network people and politicians)
She cried. Do we hold back our positive feelings about each other?

calgon

Putting ourselves first is frequently seen as a "calgon, take me away" moment, it is a daily training of a muscle. Taking a breath before blindly reacting to a situation. Ingesting less caffeine on a particular day. When running late, not letting the person go in front of you in line.

Making an overnight change may not be realistic, changing a daily, weekly decision is

a girlschool crush

Certain high school crushes do not expire upon entry into adulthood. This type of
lifestyle crush is probably a vocation of one your girlfriends. She maintains his
likes and dislikes like she maintains her medical records. Her ultimate complement
would be to hear from the crush how engaged she was instead he told her he would prefer she be a leader, not a follower.

daily performance

Putting yourself first in life is learning to put yourself first daily. It is learning how to get off the phone first, answer questions directly when asked what you want,and all the seemingly small questions that can create a emotional domino affect that may lead to you sabotaging your day's plan and that is not putting yourself first.

airport

Airport was once a symbol of mobility and now it is now a symbol of empitness. While I stand in the security line, I perform an emotional scavenge hunt for what could be triggering this permeating feeling. Are the older people respresenting my fear of the future? My eyes finally rested on a passenger that was a point of arrival to clarity, a person in a wheelchair. Remembering that I am lucky for who I am and what I have,gave me an emotionally safe landing.

comedy fiesta

I am entertaining America one Mexican restaurant at a time. Following a 3 dollar margarita has always been my dream. Laughter is the prize in the pinata and my jokes
are the big stick. The happy surprise is one of the best places for an open mic night is a Mexican food restaurant because of it's informal atmosphere. Being among amigos
makes me feel okay to be awkward on stage.. after all life is awkward

spelling

Correct spelling is a serious turn on for me, so is my dinner date asking the waiter
to fill my water glass but that is for another posting. A particular male friend is often recruited to recite the proper spelling of words day or night, hearing the letters that form the requested words is more then a sweet nothing, it is a purely
sweet something.

Do you know someone I can call for grammar?

like mother like daughter

Waking up, terrified because I did not know where I was, has granted me a heart wrenching
unity with my mother. A renewed clarity of my mother's experience as a person living with dementia struck me when I awoke in the darkness prior to sunset frozen in fear
because I had absolutely no idea where I was and I was in my own bed in my own apartment.
My body's system was void of alcohol and drugs while my memory was void. Even though I was lucky to regain my senses within a fifteen second period, it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Also are the two occurrences of memory frozen wake-ups foreshadowing of what is to come
or life experience to create a sense of empathy that I wish I had when my mum was still
alive?

busted

A Crisis of confidence sent me on a beeline to the Walgreen's fridge to covet a chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwich. Unwrapping the dairy treat, my pupils selected a time magazine. While my brain was digesting our political environment,
my stomach was digesting my mood stabilizer, a godlike voice permeated my atmosphere.

Announcing "security walk the floor" was the perfect motivation for me to scurry to
the register to get my wrapper scanned and properly acquired.

Would I have to do my time in Wisconsin?

40s

I love my forties. Realizations are an alarm clock to wake to action after sleepwalking through life. A decade with less fear and shame promotes more self
acceptance. Resulting in an open mind to break out of our walls of self perception
in creation of a magical domino effect of human behavior that leads to a magnificent self discovery. The finding of additional talents when we say yes to more experiences and no to our fear.

reduntant

Isn't the event name "gay rodeo" redundant?

quiet time

Overlooking a tranquil blue lake, A deck was the perfect location to share dinner
with an old friend. Concluding a meal that was more of an exchange of vegetables then
words, he turned to me and declared a need for quiet time. I asked him if he wanted
to talk about it.

unwritten contracts

Relationships are based on unwritten contracts. The contracts are based on expecting
a continuation of behavior that started with your relationship. Friends prove
their worthiness of a placement in your life when they are open to renegotiate contract
of expectations as lifestyles change.

daily contact

Avoiding dependence on engaging in a daily dialogue is tricky and now there are additional portals of communication to engage in the
daily conversations. Being less available and responsive guards against the rug from being pulled out from under you when lifestyles and energies shift and the calls stop. It is merciful when the daily contact gradually reduces and a weening can take place.

My nightly call asked how my daily e-mail was and I informed him that it was becoming less frequent. His response was well you
do not expect him keep emailing you, do you? Why not?

my starbucks boyfriend

Our brewmance started over a laptop lit table, I looked out under my
pink brim and informed my table neighbor that he was simply gorgeous. He responded simply with simple is good and yes it is.
The past two weeks have gifted me with conversation with my coffee- klatch companion and he rises, like the lemon bread in the bakery case, from his seat whenever I enter the corporate community.

helen keller

Helen Keller may have said that life should be a daring adventure or nothing at all. She was deaf,blind and mute. Wouldn't a new
floor plan be a daring adventure for her?