Emotional Emancipation

Stumbling into seemingly exquisite chemistry, a part of my brain became subleased,loaned out, borrowed

Going to trader joes, moments are used to wonder if I should buy his favorite cookie..moments are also used to wish him love, being at peace, comfort in their skin..then an unexpected liberation

A part of the brain that was lovingly given away, is returned to me to be loving to myself

I have been emotionally emancipated

Reunion

Reuniting with members of your past invites an opportunity to create a balance of making peace with your social interactions with a particular person and creates a fresh
start, the best scenario is to live in the now and stem conversations from everyday events, yet not cringe when a bad memory is invoked, also not to stay friends because a friendship once existed in a different time and place

To Be

I am learning to be..not to divide my attention..not to send an email while eating
apple slices..not to talk on the phone while walking..I was sitting at a restaurant table getting ready to a write a letter..I paused..and gave myself permission not to
write the letter..I felt my body relax..pause and breathe

The Russian

A Russian man entered my life in the form of a driver..having my mobile number due to cab company protocol..changed his form to confessor when his text messages began to come in the form of sexual alph bits borscht ..my reactions came in the form of outer silence while internally asking "who gave him a rubel for his thoughts?"


Being at the mercy of a grim Verizon's sales associate, my reaction took another form
my phone signaled the arrival of a text message..asking the phone doctor..who is texting me?
She dryly reported "a Russian"..my reaction took the form of denial..maybe I am becoming a
character in the bourne identity

WD 40

Standing at a soda dispenser, targeting my paper cup for ice..staring into space ..thoughts spinning in my head like a rotisserie..I was a good physics student... I need to clean my furniture... did I forget to email someone?..while I stopped to survey the ice level of my cup..a homeless man turned to me and asked me if I was alright..maybe the Starbucks lead associate is right..I do seem depressed 90% of the time

I was so touched by the gentleman's concern that I gave him WD 40 for his cart.

pizza heaven

"Pizza Heaven" is a name of a restaurant in my father's neck of the woods. Heaven? really? is pepperoni pizza the go to meal for resuurrection?

My emotional mount everest

I did something today that I never thought I would do..I mean I knew I was capable of doing it..like rock climbing or running a marathon.. I just never pictured a moment where an opportunity and self motivation would come together so perfectly as to capture this completely unexpected result. I mean it was nearly beyond my wildest dreams...

I had an egg white on a whole wheat english muffin...It really is beyond my wildest dreams because it means I am able to eat in a healthier manner which is a form of self kindness...Are you inspired?

Producing Lessons

I learn lessons in clubs that inform my daily life outside of the clubs. Reporting to a show producer that a fellow comic suggested I change my style of delivery. The producer responded, why do you assume that he knows more then you do.

uncomfortable

I am relearning to become comfortable in silence. The discomfort over-rides my whole being when I walk. Friends are repeatedly called...the shortest of walks feels like a marathon.

A life guide advised me to walk in discomfort and eventually through it.. it has worked

Stalking Starbucks

While digesting my daily cocktail of Wei Fie and fruit, I discovered the lead associate and I share a dry wit and a love for sweeping. And then day after day,his
figure was absent among the coffee beans and the scones. I became more unraveled with each passing shift...crumbling..with beseeching eyes while clinging to the cold case..I asked the barrista, " he's coming back? isn't he?"..She gave a nothing answer

I realized the grounds of my former atmosphere were going to grind to a halt. And a venti size thought shot straight to my head like a brain freeze..

he toasted my weekly bagel ..he is a witness to my weekly carb-count consumption.. clearly a relationship that was not meant to last

subtle lessons

While chatting up a male friend,the night before Valentine's day, I slipped in my sending of chocolates into the phone conversation. Knowing he was without a girlfriend, I reinforced
that I like to prevent sadness.. when I can

He reacted, "really? that is a big responsibility"

A more subtle lesson can take more of a hold

90 %

Consuming Wei fie at Starbucks is a daily ritual (for me) The coffee house's lead associate brewed the opinion that I appear depressed 90% of the time.

MMMM, only 90% of time?

STUNNED

I was in a meeting and dates were being tossed out among the members. A woman brainstormed "march 18Th" ..and I felt an instant reaction bolting from my eyes..

March 18Th is the date of the death of a close friend..she died six years ago..

I always become stunned when the distance of time does not give me a sense of acceptance

Riding the Wave

"just say thank you"

Getting off stage, a club investor declared my routine a success. I started to say, "oh thanks, because it can be such a disaster"..He cut me off by saying:

"Rebecca, just say thank you".. I thanked him for the advice.

job interview questions

I am starting to interview for employment positions. I am preparing for the interviews by role-playing with my friends.

The preparation prompted me to think of amusing answers or perhaps more honest self evaluations

TELL US ABOUT YOURSELF?

I am flirting with adopting the concept, "less is more"

Sweeping leaves me feeling empowered

I am not confident that I can surrender wearing black everyday

When I can not sleep, I do leg lifts

I have,finally, given up my resistance to wearing mascara

He ended the interview with a question..I said "wait, I did not rehearse answering that question"

Such as life

emotional deleting

I am guilty of reinforcing relationships that do not reinforce the best in me. In weak moments..usually when I can not sleep.. I text people..thinking a text here or there would not hurt..it does.. So I have gotten smarter..I have by deleting phone numbers from my phone and eliminated the temptation

Shades of Control

Many rooms in my emotional house are painted with shades of feeling out of control. I have discovered that if I paint a room in the house with a feeling of being in control.. even if it is the smallest room in the house.. reinforcing a good habit..

I feel much more empowered to tackle the other rooms..taking a room at a time

My life can be a gradual process

Free Pizza

While I was sitting in an Italian bistro, a homeless man came in to ask for free pizza.
I offered to pay for his dinner of cheese pizza.. no home no toppings

it is just part of the bylaws

Earth Teachers

I view life as a train station..think of the big lobby of grand central station.. the train passengers are my earth teachers and I do not know how long I get to be with them before their train departs .. I call them earth teachers because they travel into my life to teach me what I need to learn.. it may take an hour, a month or a lifetime

When people depart my life I focus on what I may have learned then focusing on the sadness

purposeful?

I was soaking up wei fei at a gourment market. A woman started a conversation with me regarding life and death. She completed her lunch and conversation by saying "you know more then you think you do"

Does the universe arrange for us to get messages and people are the vessels to relay the message. Are these messages produced by the same currents that arrange for the phone to ring by a friend that you were just planning to call?

You tell me? Discuss

emotional life track

I can get distracted by certain evaluations of me. The distraction veers me off my emotional track and diverts my emotional vision. Reporting to a mentor of a negative review of my comedic delivery, he said why do you assume someone knows more then you do?

I am back in my life lane, looking ahead and ready

sad times

There are times of the day or night when my battle to resist an ice cream chocolate chip cookie sandwich becomes more acute. Do you struggle with this? a time of the day when resisting a drink,certain foods or certain friends is an uphill climb?

Well, my sad time is between 9pm and 11pm and I discovered that my gym closes at 11pm.
I am grateful to life for providing me with a solution of empowerment.

LIFE IS A DAILY PROCESS

overcoming

I view life as a series of becomings and overcomings. Well right now I am overcoming the grief of a social change..not having the same closeness of certain friends that I once had. I am focused on not giving myself permission to grieve by sleeping more,exercising less,treading water in pools of Pepsi and or reinforcing bad relationships for a short diversion.

I am giving myself permission to feel every color of my adjusting process. I will learn overcome without it being at my expense.