Similar Empathy

A man informed me, he needed constant reassurance.. sharing his quality..gave me empathy..an easy awareness of his need..I stepped into the role...

There are moments when..I wonder.."what about me"? will a similar empathy be shared

Dominating Dame

A man and I came together ...sexual words began to moisten our lips..I talked over him..

there is nothing like a dominating dame ...

Food Enemy

Fatigue is the enemy to positive food choices

Sexual Timeshare

A west coast resident informed me that he had a new girlfriend.."she is living in New England" he excitedly confirms..

Really? Is "dating" a person on an opposite coast truly a partner or a sexual timeshare?

Ear Buds

Sitting next to a man..only a carry-on bag between us..and a dimly lit flight attendant  call button for mood lighting..

Words about our lives filled the atmosphere of our row..THEN he

began to place his ear buds mid- sentence..Could this have been a sign that he wanted to cease
the conversation?

Sex and Sales

Sales and getting it on is a numbers game...keep asking and being determined not to let the NOS
stop you..

Penis Pressure

A man informed me that I did not know the pressure of having a large penis...

he got me there

Appointment with Heartbreak

A man disrespected me..I took it as an opportunity..to suspend communication ..I was scheduling

devastation ..then the appointment with heartbreak never came..

Only relief has been on the calendar

Black Bra

I wear a creme colored bra 364 days ..365th day I wore a black bra....thinking it was my creme
selection...

I sported a thin cotton t-shirt to greet the electrician..or should I say my black bra greeted him

Medical Care

I did not feel worthy of medical care.  I was convinced that every symptom  I endured was a result
of what I put into my mouth..

When I do,finally, break down and go to the doctor..I  discover that my condition will be unrelated
to my eating ..

And to think of the wasted suffering that could have been prevented ..

Human Craving

How do I stop craving a person?... that appears to be able to go the rest of his life not caring if

I exist

Microwave Man

A man informed me that he likes daily reassurance.. I told him I would love that to..perhaps in the form of a mini man to greet me when I open the micro-wave..telling me that "all will be well"

I wonder if he has a higher chance of getting his goal accomplished because he asks for it..

DEATH THREATS

A woman and I were discussing a certain man..

WOMAN: the way he talks about you ..he seems to like you..thinks well of u..

ME: all I know is he likes to makes jokes at my expense..

WOMAN: why do you put up with that?

ME: there are not death threats

Friend Feelings

How do I know when to move on from a friend?  I told the same story to a man and a woman..both older then me..both had differing opinions..both sounded very reasonable..

Could the answer be to consult how I feel when I am with the friend..not how other people feel when they hear the stories..

Pizza with a side of Tears

I knew I was due for a sob session..I tried to plan the release..I would to try to plan it..I would sit alone in quiet..I lain down in the dark..I was looking forward to lightness after the emotional storm

It came out at dinner with a woman ..a pizza with a side of nearly unstoppable tears..the car ride brought a guttural quiet cry..

I guess it can not be planned

Mean Drunks

When a person is a mean drunk..is the forgiving mode of behavior an exhibit of grace..yeah, well, what if you are feeling a little more targeted with anger then the others in the drinker's social circle..???

Is it more about accounting for the worthiness of how we should be treated at all times..or is it
about accounting for people's emotional costumes

Heart Surgery

A man and a woman were not coming together as I felt they should ..I discussed my dilemna with a dear girlfriend..discussing the folds of their behavior like a doctor discussing heart surgery with his patient..

The listener suggested I let them work it out..has it REALLY  come to that?

Burka

Today brought my first interaction with a woman wearing a burka..only seeing her eyes united me with a raw reaction of sadness..a sense of being a misty form of unnerved..

She was accompanied by her husband..as the conversation progressed ..it became evident that she "wore the pants" she took control of the course of our behaviors..

She would say to me, "Ignore him"

T-Shirt

I am wearing a white shirt and I am stain free..I feel powerful

Expectations

I work in sales..

Everyday, multiple managers and I discuss the day's sales plan..overall plan..including the break down of money required for each division of the sales plan..I love it!

We brainstorm how I can contribute to the accumulation of the achieved sales goals..They express their expectations of me..and reinforce their faith in me..the talks streamlines my daily thoughts..

The best part is that if I do not succeed I do not feel shame because I know I always try..

Abusing Myself

I set myself up..I will acquire a nightly contact..a person will email..call me..or engage a short texting dialogue with me within hours of going to bed..it will  temporarily plug my flow of emotional hunger..

The contact will stop fade out and I return to wanting my mouth heaping with some substance..it is in my face once again that I need to abuse myself to feel complete..

Marinate

Tonight, I was chatting up a customer about the purchase of an espresso maker..

Me:"Do you want to marinate on it"?

Him,," No, I am gonna think about it"

Discovered Principle

For the first time..EVER.. I am only hearing positive reinforcement..My managers and co-workers are,only, telling me what is right about me..now, of course, I am waiting for the other loafer to drop..

I have been told that..when good qualities are the focus and bad qualities are ignored..the ignored falls away

This is my opportunity for the discovery of that principle..

Unlike Me

Tonight, I walked in my process and not in my result.  I performed comedy in a new city...it did go not like the picture in my head..that is not what is grimacing in my psyche

Instead..I am proud of myself for finding the club..learning the public transport to get to the club ..and

GETTING UP ON STAGE!...

Being proud of myself is so unlike me..if I can do it..you can to..

Stop...Stop..Stop..Stop..

The darkening of the city line..the completing of life's distractions..surrounds me in my grief.. I have to

stop thinking of someone..stop asking him for advice..stop ..stop..stop..stop..stop...

The perceived length of releasing him..not only him..the idea of how my life would improve with him
in it..hits me with anxiety like a blunt object..

I am choosing to believe that sobbing until limp with exhaustion..will generate the thin layer..that will be the start of the fermenting of the thick layer..

The thick layer of skin..when you forget you have to actively train yourself to stop thinking of him

Burning to Bright?

Relationships will start  so easily..much is shared over a short period..the coming together may seem intense to a witness..yet it will feel natural and a gratefulness is expressed..The person is vouched for..a good decent being emulated from her daily words..I sit here thinking about the important things I did not know..

Do relationships that start so quickly and seemingly completely ..are they burning to bright?

Electrical Outlets

Talking to the working poor ..educates me on how they concentrate their money..they have jobs..their income is below the amount required to pay for rent..

Paying his phone bill..was one homeless man's priority ..holding up his phone," I have,managed, to keep this phone on, month after month"

I have started noticing public outlets..thinking of phone charging..















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Male Source of Complaint

Women will describe what they want in a man..I will fix them up with a man that fits that description..yet they will reject them and run,back, towards their previous male source of complaint

Food Porn

My sexting partner tried to woo me by texting ,me, a picture of baked potatoes..it worked

Pulling A Geographical

I was, always, given the same negative evaluations at each of my west coast jobs..I thought I was doomed..

A geographical was pulled..I moved to the east coast..I am being saluted,at today's staff meeting, for my

positive contributions..

Thoughtful Optimism

I fixed up a man with a woman. I wanted them to hit it off..perhaps for it to bloom into an emotionally
satisfying relationship..whatever their form I wanted the best result for them..

That is until...I heard about their first convos.. hearing the thoughtful optimism..I felt some envy

Spaghetti Noodles

I confided to a woman...about a sexual encounter..that I was as dry as my wit..

We talked today ..she informed me she was also dry.."I thought of you"

I throw a lot of words out there..it is not always clear what spaghetti noodles will stick the

fridge door..

Scaffolding

I was participating in some sexual distraction ...the Russian's fingers were downtown and he wanted to make use of his mouth uptown..he asked for me to bring my nipple to his lips..

GREAT! my breasts,now, require scaffolding

"One Night Stand"

This morning, I had a "one night stand" ..My keys remained palmed and my toes never escaped free of my shoes

I wonder if a cannon ball plunge in cool water on a hot day would have quenched more of my thirst

STOP EATING IT!

My life's work has been about training myself to stop eating unhealthy food when I am becoming full..that is until tonight..

I was eating a healthy protein and became uncomfortably full..I kept eating because it was not a fatty choice and it was not a binge..it was a standard portion..

Well now I am starting to get that if I am uncomfortable..no matter the food choice ..STOP EATING IT

"Just"

My personality is an acquired taste.  My organically arranged and selected words can elicit quizzical looks.

I would explain my communication style "away" ...that is just my personality.. that is just how I talk..

I am being sincere, it is just a deadpan delivery..

No more justifying..it is now time to celebrate one of the best parts of me..

Shoot Higher

I craved a man's affirmation for five years.  He emailed and called me ..both forms of communication contained the positive ways he felt about me..

Now, I feel I should have shot higher..

Catching Nookie

A friend and I exchange daily voice mails...her voice mails are usually about her catching some nookie ..

mine are usually about my sleep patterns ..I am choosing not to "look" at this

"Brave Soldier"

Whenever I would voice a request,to my father,for a change in his behavior..He would respond, "You are such a brave soldier"

I,sometimes, hear myself give that as a reply when certain people react negatively to my behavior

   Inherited habits can creep in to everyday behaviors

Only to my Body?- hoarder installment

I stopped offering,my host,help with reducing the large clumps of debris in her house. My verbal judgement had also ceased to be offered. My commute forced me to leave the house before they woke-up and return after they went to bed..

My face was smothered with scabs..my lower body stiffened up..I was operating under three hours of sleep daily

My Host informed me that my behavior created  an uncomfortable atmosphere.. So the tension I thought was being reserved to only my body was,also, in the larger body of the house..

CHEEZ-ITS

I revealed to a gal pal that I have stumbled into a committed relationship with CHEEZ-ITS..

My friend reacted,"Jesus? is that a guy you met"?

Me: "No,  a snack bag of CHEEZ- ITS?

"Average Guy"

I will,randomly, text or email compliments to people.  They have expressed a disc-comfort with it..feeling the compliments were over the top.. one guy said," I am average and I am okay with being average..so therefore your compliments build me up to somebody I am not.."

If I would have tried to force the issue ..then it would have become more about me then him..which defeated my purpose.                               `

Cheetos' Dust

A man seemed emphatic that he lacked discipline because he was unable to go to the gym because of his work schedule..

at least that is what I thought he said..I was focused on licking cheetos' dust off my finger-tips..

Sloppy Firsts

I have changed from being unable to book morning appointments ..because I would sleep through them.. to being the first customer at Starbucks..

A sign of evolution?

Hot Air

I have been thinking about the details of the life of a homeless person.  Particularly the type of homeless person that is trying to "pass"..the type that has a  bit of money..not quite enough to have
regular "digs".

They're  maintaining a list of clean, rarely patrolled bathrooms to quickly get ready for work..does the switching from paper towels..for spot-body cleaning..to hot air to dry hands..make their lives harder..??

The next line you are in, will you be standing next to a person that is trying to "pass"?

Molten Anger

(After),My host and I had removed the clumps of debris from her kitchen...we moved on to her living room..

The couch(?) was drowning in piles of clothes..most still in the store's bags..crockery..school supplies..a random jar of pennies..prescription eye wear..never worn rain boots.. a bag of stone hard
bagels

I held one large garbage bag for discards and one for donated items.. She would hand me items while declaring their category

She had asked to stop saying,"good job!", through-out the process..I thought I was quiet and helpful..that is what I wanted to be..

I felt venom through-out the whole cleaning session..pure molten anger..something changed ..unknown
to me..we stopped our cleaning sessions and she demeaned everyday after that..

Broccoli Cheddar

A woman and I were surveying the soup options at an airport bistro..she started to show favor to the
broccoli cheddar..

I asked," Are you about to wing to another city?, because that would not be a considerate choice for your plane mates.."

She smilingly assured me that she had arrived at her destination

Science Fiction

I interact with men all day long.  My opening question is usually,"what are you reading"?

They consistently respond, "science fiction..Steven King"

When wanting a date..forget a singles bar..hit a book store

Triangle

I have infrequent communication with a man.   A mutual female friend asked what the deal was between the man and me.

perhaps not all relationships require labels

Youth and Age

My face has both acne and wrinkles..after years of a clear complexion..I have patches of a break-out..

When I look at my face..it looks like an odd mixture of youth and age ..

Tele-complaint

A man called me and spent his words complaining about various people.  I responded in the same way to each of his complaints

Most people are suffering in their own way....which could be a source for some of their behavior

He ended the call

Spoons

A man told me crack kills..I reacted: "not to mention, what it does to spoons"