Pulling Themselves Out

My father punctuated his work weeks with a demand for a "quiet House". My parents frequently used quiet as a tool for transitioning from work life to home life. Men tease me about my queries about their need for "quiet time" Having the concept of silence as part of my blueprint, has brought me to the realization that the homeless do not get a lot of quiet alone time to assemble their thoughts. Outside the homeless are confronted with the noises of buses, leaf blowers and heels of women's shoes..Inside may embody the sounds of brooms hitting dustpans, music from headphones and CHATTER If the people with professional security and knowledge of where their pillow is demand quiet to gain peace to take on the following day's challenges What about the people that need to pull themselves out of the biggest dark hole of their lives?

Daily Dirt

When I am washing the day's grime off my face, I wish I could, also, wash off some of the day's decisions

CHANGE!

Is everyone a critic? I walked out of Walgreen's to the sound of a man yelling, "CHANGE" ?! I am not sure why he was rattling a cup..

She Got it Bad

She got it bad. He would drop her and pick her up again like a toy. A domino effect of disrespect was set in motion. The woman treated me with less value whenever the off/on option of the man was switched to ON. When discussing her break-up with him, she explained how captured she was by him. "I could not believe I was with him...his mouth would move and I could not hear what he was saying..I would just stare at him" You know what is funny? for the amount of emotional investment she made she could only say one good thing about him.. He was good looking

"Mind your own Business"

A woman was asking for donations to ease her displacement from a shelter. She was executing her requests of the passengers waiting underground near the train tracks. A passenger reacted sternly: "you are not allowed to solicit down here" Displaced woman: "I did not know" The passenger departed. She returned with a transit cop. The cop informed the displaced woman of the rule A calm reaction was invoked from the displaced woman...saying to the passenger "Mind your own Business "

Blade of Grass

In the winter, my nose becomes as wet as a blade of grass after a morning dew

More Deprived then Satisfied

When a meal finishes, my emotions demand another meal. Anxiety builds with each concluding consumed bite. Many days, I fear that I will always feel more deprived then satisfied.

High Thread Count

A man,in his forties, reported that he was going to die alone. My first thought was for him to seek comfort in his bed.. I instructed him to buy sheets with a high thread count..

Palm to Palm

I suggested to a widower,sleeping alone, that he imagine a woman's hand placed in his hand as he drifted off to sleep. I described the woman's fingers being placed in between his fingers..the body of her hand secure in his palm. The idea changed his pattern of sleep..he had a more rich calming sleep.

Youtube

Certain parts of late night will give me a more empty feeling. I will endeavor to reduce my emotional emptiness by reducing the emptiness of my mouth... Tired of feeling trapped in this hamster wheel of neediness...I turned to Youtube. The clips have as much range as my reasons for feeling without an anchor. It usually takes me into another world and it is a world that does not feature self harm.

Dunkin Doughnuts

I had been craving Dunkin Doughnut munchkins for two days. The racks were vacant at my closest Dunkin Doughnuts.. I hit a second location..not a munchkin in sight..I could only react with this panic permeated question: "Is this city-wide"

Avoiding the Cold

The state police did a sweep of a public building. Resulting in asking the homeless people to move to another location. A woman paced the sidewalk, she shouted " It is legal for me to loose everything because of medical bills..yet it is not legal for me to spend the night in a building to avoid the cold..."

Her Boyfriend

A woman informed me that woman friends are obligations..something to attend to like going to the dentist..Her first choice of company was her boyfriend.. A week later, the man broke up with her

Outsider

A woman and I were discussing a shared feeling of being an outsider. Feeling that we have not fully connected with people. A thought lingered after my phone call with her. Maybe we do not connect with people ..or we do not feel we are getting our needs met...or we rarely feel understood or accepted because we are picking the wrong people..it is not realistic to expect our human choices to give us what we think we need

Block

I fear feeling anger will block a flow of positive experiences coming into my life

Falling

I saw her eyes flicker. Then she fell to the train floor like laundry through a chute. A man immediately offered his abilities to raise her from her fainting spell. The other passengers offered water, protein bars and general concern. Whenever I ride the train, I feel like I am positioned in an organism of emotional generosity

Memory Slow Dancing

A standing man fell on another standing man when a train started and stopped with a jolt. They crashed..on top of each other.. on to the dirty floor of the cross city train. Whenever I am on that train,I wonder how often he slow dances the ..embarrassment ..of that memory .

Squatting

I was squatting in a parking lot. While not the ideal situation, it was all in the name of skill-building. As he grew bigger in my mouth, a thought grew bigger in my head. How do I gracefully unbend my legs..please forget gracefully ..rising up would be a sufficient hope When I was afraid my legs were going to reach a point of no return..I would stop ..acting like I was teaching the man a lesson on greediness and shoot straight up while gripping the door handle of a neighboring car

Breath, Listen , and Answer

Based on other's words, I would build up job interviewer's views of me. Resulting in my reacting to what was proposed of how the person thought of me...not the actual words that were being said to me.. I have,naturally, begun to be in the moment, breath, listen and answer the question as it is being fed to me. After years of unemployment, I am getting jobs. A peeling away of layers can prove that we have what we need inside of us..

He was all Yes

A sexual opportunity was discovered like a penny on a sidewalk. I asked him questions about how to best connect my fingers with his body parts. Questions invoked by my brain and the convos with women. He was all yes and I was some no. While I was in the motion of it all, the same thought went though my head. This is practice for when I am with a man that makes me smile from the inside outside.

Nose

I sat during a job interview. I became afraid something was emerging from my nostril. I tried to discreetly rub the matter..imaginary or not away..then I became afraid she thought I had a cocaine problem because I was touching my nose..

Weeping Willow

I referred to a man's organ as a redwood. He gruffed, "I would rather you call it an OAK" I thought...it could become a weeping willow just as easily..

Christmas

She complained forlornly..bitterly about being alone at Christmas ..The woman is Jewish

"You've Got Mail"

A woman asked me to (only) communicate with her by email. She does not check her email.

Thirties Self

I associate with a man. He has the qualities my thirties self requested..the fulfillment of the request has been healing to my younger self.. I am, now, reflecting on my forties self reaction to him.

Who is doing it?

The phone number of a high school crush was lost. I emailed a request for it. I called his office. He said he would email or text it to me...easier for me to put in my directory.. I sent him a reminder email. I thought, "why is he doing this to me" When the real question is why am I doing it to myself

In the Distance

There are few things that scare me more then hearing the tapping of the bottom of a metal cane in the distance

Between Innings

A man boasted that he can go from "dusk to dawn"...by the way doesn't that sound like a George Clooney movie from the eighties..but I digress A couple weeks later, he altered his story a bit.. He may need a cat nap(or two) between innings

"Saved"

Eating at Wendy's, I encountered a man exclaiming that he had been saved by Jesus Christ...yet I was the one muttering, "Oh God"

Strength of the Foundation

Putting on socks brought my mother back to me. I thought of how she taught me to place the seem of the sock across the heel to secure the sock's fit. My mother was my first earth teacher. When I think of her..I frequently go straight back to when I was girl surrounded by sunlight while planted to a wood floor being taught the basics of how to dress.. I am never not struck by the strength of the foundation

"How was it for you?"

I enabled a man to achieve a grand release..via phone..He concluded his climb to his sexual mountain by declaring I was a "amazing" "How was it for you" he asked expectantly I assured him it was very good for me...I was reading an interesting book about the relationship between Great Britain and India

Unable

I was unable to cope with getting to a life strategy seminar

Clocking Out

I have a purpose for my drinking. A list of reasons that are as fluid as my method for escaping them. I had to deal with a difficult personality...I am sick of being in pain....I have not slept in three days and the alcohol will enable me to sleep The excuses paper-mache my true purpose. The real purpose is that I want to clock out from my reality..or as I used to tell a friend.."take the corners off"

In the Middle

A woman gave my phone number to a man without my knowledge. When I asked her about it.. She responded," Don't put me in the middle"

Chia Pet

While discussing oral sex, a woman informed me that spitting on "it" will, sometimes, work.. Was she referring to a chia pet or a penis?