Emotional Triggers

A foster child had a day visit with his birth-mother. She cut off his hair to a very close shave. He was up until 3am screaming.

We all have triggers. We all have key parts of our self perception. We may not always know
what our triggers are and how we will react.

Personality Parts

I am missing specific parts of personalities of people that have moved on from my life. Telling myself the personality part of laughter generating quick one liners also includes
a personality part of indifference.

A quick trigger temper is attached to a person's personality parts of a vast belief in me
and easy conversation.

I do not pick up the phone because I deserve to have the good personality parts without
the abusive parts of communication.

Crying Bullets

While I roam the playground, I think of the phrase of "boys cry bullets". The age of the anger participants leaves me curious about their future. The anger is displayed by four year boys throwing chairs at their classmates, seven year olds pummeling other classmates and eight year olds pushing their classmate's heads against walls.

The families have both married parents and single mothers. I asked the boys to write
their reasons for anger on paper. The boys inform me,during quiet times, that they do not like their life.

I urge the boys to write or draw in the hope it will be a release and a bridge.

With one fin in the Grave

I pet sat for a fish that did not appear to be doing swimmingly. Tapping on the glass to affirm it's life would invoke a fluttering of a lap. Sympathy would follow my tap..thinking how this poor fish was being abruptly awaken from deep sleeps..to alleviate my fears

Fat Girl

A fat girl called a thin girl fat. Irony was a word frequently used by mystified reactors. A fat girl who spoke of hating being called fat may have wondered what the appeal was to call a person fat.

Shorthand

A key reason in my reluctance to move on from relationships that expire an emotional good fit
is "shorthand". He knows my personal history and my fears. None of my coments require a supplement of background description.

The existence of shared shorthand and his sense of history to instantly react to my references could easily freeze me from expanding my concept of a proper relationship.

Wait List

A student demanded my death. Join the club..there is a wait list..my only request is that they use their time to plan and execute a fundraiser...I love bringing people together

Music as a Time machine

I love the infomercials for time-life collections of music from specific decades. I will catch them just as I am about to go to bed and become hooked. The music from the
1970's is a key transporter to a time that is perfection from a rear view mirror.

Sitting on a friend's floor,road trips and believing only in goodness

Joy!

Joy succeeds joy. Exhibiting my joy increased my joy. Walking in the natural freedom that is released in a smile that can light up a frozen food section like a menorah and in a laugh that is contagious..

I had not felt this good since march 12Th,2011...I must invest in learning how to generate and maintain joy..

when is the last time you felt joy?

On Time

Marrying late in life does not exist. My emotional timeline is on schedule. It is about feeling ready and alarm clocks do not affirm a position of readiness.

Whenever I am desired it will always be on time.

Love Fraction

Walking in a darkened house with the script of a Law and Order being acted in the background, an emotional script of "I really loved him" acted in the foreground.

A poor result is not a direct connection in the amount of love I contributed to the
relationship. However much I love does not always factor into the equation.

"I am sorry that happened to you"

A child was crying while informing me how she was hurt. I quickly expressed that I was
sorry that she was ...sad..hurt...angry..

She yelped, you always say that, with eyes that could burn holes. I say it to the
young upstarts because it was not said to me.

Gentleman's agreement

I have made an agreement with a friend that whenever we exchange compliments, we must stop and thank each other.

Compliments are so easily shined on among people mutually sharing a life path. The confident
people in my life verbally shrug positive evaluations. I really think saying thank you more in response to compliments can create a powerful domino effect.

Target Student

I am conflicted as to how proceed in the treatment of a student. He feels unfairly classified as a kid that "can not do anything right". Directing him to art and his other gifted areas is starting to loose it's appeal.


Externally I can not permit a student to disrespect me. Internally I do not want a student to feel that he is worthless.

"Bright Light on a Black Highway"

Certain friends have to deep an affect on me. Their affect blinds me to my feelings of specific life happenings. I only see,feel, hear them directly parallel to a bright
headlight on a black stretch of a highway.

Operating with a fear of life with the friend and also without the friend. It never ceases to floor me how much easier it is to exorcise the person then anticipated.

Peer Pressure

I met a high school student in pursuant of a school transfer. He had just completed an entrance exam for an alternative school because he felt peer pressure to join a gang at his current school.

I was struck by how he was charting a life of his choice and an effective route.

The despressed lifestyle

Being depressed has good hours. Their sleep habits enable them to be out in society during off-peak times..their diet consists mostly of comfort foods.. mostly working part-time because their mood inhibits their motivation to work more hours..they are caught up on an array of newly released DVDS and books because they are frequently alone

I do know some of which I speak, I am usually considered depressed..

Chain Reaction

I sought the advice of a good friend. A crucial point to consider when seeking advice
is what is the emotional place of the friend. People's behavior is frequently a chain
reaction..how I am being treated,angry or thoughtful..may have nothing to do with me

WHORE?

I followed a blind date back to his middle class home with clutter. Confiding in a girlfriend my reluctance to reveal my previous night's adventure to a Conservative
male friend. She asked if I took payment for the sexual favor. Responding negatively
to her query,she affirmed that I was more of slut then a whore.

Tested

My main reason for moving on from relationships is because a person is not responding to my endeavors to connect with them.

A variation is electing to move on from a person guilty of mistreatment. I feel that
my choice to have a social circle that does not include triggers of self doubt is
tested when the omitted person sporadically communicates thoughtful messages.

He can not be that bad..right?

Changing their View

Behavioral changes can be hard for friendships. My friends have a certain view of me. When I inform them of a current reaction which may contradict with a past reaction to a person's treatment of me, their struggle to accept is more often
heard in their voice then their words.

Crazy Secretive

People from my different areas of life describe me as super secretive. I am unclear how to
proceed on a course to become more confident with a sense of portion. Questioning my clarity of portion permeates all parts of my being.

overthinking..overcommunicating...overeating...being over available..

Learning What others Could not Teach Me

Being hired for an after school program has transformed my role from teacher to student.
Iam learning how to classify and declare behavior directed at me as unacceptable.
Expecting behavior that is honouring of myself and acting quickly when expectations are not fulfilled.

Not a moment to soon, I am learning how to ask for a specific standard of treatment.

It Is in the Eyes

A teacher yelled at a boy and everything he felt was reflected in his eyes. Pools  reflecting an emotional stripping away.
I tried to rebuild him by telling him the ways he was uniquely valuable. I want to
believe the positive words will replace the negative ones. I tend to believe that is
rarely the case.

LifeCoach

A Life Coach concluded our first session by informing me that she was not hopeful
about my future.

James

James comes from a fragmented family of origin. James feels sadness, displacement and desires human connection through the expansion of the boundaries of his friendships.

Even though he feels adult emotions, he exhibits a child's reactions. James is aggressive on the playground and cracks wise.

James requests the phone numbers of his classmates and the parents stonewall him.
They fear that James is a bad influence..

How can James learn from positive examples of civil communication..if he is not
ever exposed to them?