Redirection

Redirecting is a term used in training for caregivers and teachers. Redirecting is an universal action for mind and spirit. I always thought of the action of distraction to divert my feelings of insecurity. Redirection feels like movement
to a more a positive life station.

Dizzy and Depressed

A co-worker informed me that he tried to commit suicide by hanging himself from a
fan blade. I did not realize, right away, that he turned off the fan. Initially opining that he must have experienced the 3"D"s of emotion..dizzy..discourged and
depressed

Cookie Cutter World

When observing the kids in my assigned classroom struggle to conform, a sadness washes over me. A rainbow of reactions on their faces when asked to participate in particular exercises lends the teachers the easy use of the label of trouble maker whereas I propose that they are square pegs in a cookie cutter world. The kids are being expected to adapt to grown-up issues with an adolescent's coping skills.

I have no answers..only thoughts

Kindness of Strangers

A new position has increased my relationship with the public transit system. I sit in a low-cushioned seat viewing the different riders to a better quality of life. My co-riders guide me with the transit schedules and present their seats to me. When I am not
admiring people for seeking life changes with the added difficult layer of extending their days with public transport, I marvel at how we all co-exist in a mobile civil
manner.

How Do I Know?

I was explaining my moving on from an abusive relationship. Grappling the right words to defend my length of participation in the relationship. I did not know the whole package, love without the anger, was a realistic human expectation. I may have
it now..how do I know?.. I felt like I had the whole package with the previous relationship too.

HOSTESS

The news of the bankruptcy of Hostess seeded a spontaneous support group at the feet
of the Hostess rack within my local market. A natural sharing of our favorite treats
fell out of our mouthes. Our fear morphs into a stiffness that makes our automatic
need to genuflect upon the moment our searching eyes capture the hostess logo.

My favorite treat is Hostess Ho-Hos..it was my nickname in high school

Plus and a Minus

People display a habit of following their compliments with a put down of themselves. Doesn't it negate the compliment and then makes the whole exchange about the speaker of the compliment.

I think so

Special Needs

I was thinking of viewing my classroom of charges as people with special needs. Renewing
my awareness of the student's tragic domestic histories with each word I verbalize. Key advice is not always available to me,where as, a key change of attitude is available to me.

Because I feel we are all people with special needs.

No Rules

I react in advance to potential life events. A consuming anxiety or wonder takes hold about
how I should respond to happenings that I may never experience. I am training myself to be myself in the moment. My mother's friend often presents the concept of not applying arbitrary rules to future behavior. ....as in if I acknowledge a lifemate's birthday..do I need to for the rest of my life..if I want to..do it..if not do not

Mary Jane

I have been instructed to smoke Mary Jane to reduce my over thinking. The only Bud I know
is a golfer at the country club.

Strong Silent Type

Does this happen to you? When people that practice word economy use a portion of their
words to ask me about me, I do not have a shot. I become particularly swept up when his
questions embody details of observations of me.

Reunion Observations

A more compelling component to my reunions via facebook is exchanging observations from
a certain period of my life. I was particularly enthralled by a viewpoint of a friend that I considered to be a leader fueled by being comfortable in her own skin. She informed me of her insecurities of that period and it made me feel like she was more of leader by revealing them.

A Natural Response

My school age student began to cry. I told him that crying was a natural response. While he cried, I rubbed his back. After about twenty minutes of crying, I asked him to take deep breaths to slowly stop crying.

When my shift ended, he got up and gave me a tight hug. A natural response to reinforce my natural response.

Friendship Survey

I am surveying my friendships. Questioning if our attempts to communicate are close
to being equal. Am I feeling ignored when I reach out to certain friends? I do not
feel that a permanent injunction is necessary..only a step back

Points of Difference

I am employed in a team building work environment. Talking with my co-workers informs
me of how I vary my route to garner the team's desired result. I am proud of how I am
different.

Nicknames

The name,Rebecca, has many variations. Becky..Becca..Reba....I do not want a tidal wave of nicknames to wash away my full name of Rebecca

Our names are a key part of our identities..plus I really like the name,Rebecca

(I used Becca for the blog..I liked the sound of Becca's Blog)

Written References

A step in a hiring process was to solicit written references from people in my circle of life. It was truly gratifying to read their views of me. I wonder about
writing references for the people in our lives minus the hiring process. Starting a
pattern of sending words identifying the strengths of people that are on our life's
path. Ripple effects of empowerment will occur one written word at a time.

Splenda

I met a friend for coffee. He bragged about defending himself in the boxer's ring.

I was only asking if he wanted splenda.

Cold Calling

I have made most of my friends through cold calling. They are drawn in by my voice.

Daily Challenge

Hearing a high functioning person report that he has life hating moments everyday took me a back. It reinforced that life is really hard. People's feelings are not always dressed in disengaged behavior. Even though there is a challenge in being, people get up each day and meet the challenge.

BITCH

I have learned that certain people's first impression of me is that I am bitch. My first conversations with people are frequently terse and abrupt. I bring a history of being described as a chatterbox to my interactions. My verbal style is born from
the concern of not properly reading non-verbal signs.

"please stop"

Standing in front a closed supermarket while waiting for a cab. I would see driver after
driver pull up only to express disappointment at the locked sliding doors. Being a "fixer"
I would redirect the potential shoppers to alternative markets..until I heard a person
say under his breath..please stop trying to help us...

Methodical Movement

I can see it in my friend's faces and hear it in their voices. I am one reference of "my Starbucks" short of testing of my friend's abilities to listen. It has become
nearly impossible for me to complete a phone call without interjecting that the barristas
participate in a choreography of commerce or engage in methodical movement.

Last night, a friend remarked, "you must really like that place" ..I do

In Gay Years

A gay crush informed me that he was turning 44. His getting older without a partner flooded
his face as the words flowed out of his mouth.

I wondered if 44 was 72 in gay years

It takes a village

Fearful I would always be defined by my mistakes and fearful of not being able to develop a future. Leaving my "ghetto pad" was the only action I knew to take.

Daily trips quickly transformed a strip mall into a village. While my routines were as varied as the storefronts, the unifying quality is that they all made me feel exceptional.

I will always feel grateful for the perfect intersection of people at the perfect time.

Stuck

I am feeling stuck. I always loved going to the movies. It was my favorite escape.

Going to the movies with certain friends and discussing the movies in the car on the way home was my version of perfection. The friends that shared my movie viewing experiences are no longer in my life. Their methods of transport out of my life vary.
I,now, go to the movies thinking of my friends from another part of my life. My emotional escape is tainted and I wonder about how to escape from my escape.

Value

I have begun to attach the description of "having value" to everyone I encounter in my everyday life. It has been magical in the erasing of my over thinking. No more wondering about motives ..My conversations start with feelings of a sense mutual value.

Star Player

Standing near the sidelines,suited up and on deck to be waved into certain games of friendship. My friends are the coaches of their lives and it is their choice who they want on their teams in the sport of life. I can remain on a roster of alternates to do what I can to increase their home runs and be an emotional aloe
for the skinned knees that can happen in everyday dialogues.

Or..I can look to be traded to a coach that will treat me as one of his star players

Dead on Arrival

Fear motivated my movements this holiday week end. Searching for an apartment key lead to finding a key for a better life. Taking an emotional inventory as I was taking a physical inventory. My dominant thought as I was depleting my clutter was I need to move on from people that are depleting their respect for me.

fearful of sadness, I walked towards the gentle acceptance of "my Starbucks".
Returning to my apartment, feeling peaceful, mid-crosswalk, looking up at the
key moment as a CAR WAS COMING AT ME..I yelled STOP!


Searching for one key graduated to finding a key for a better life.