Good Advice

I was kvetching to a friend regarding my reaction to a person's coment about me and to me. Telling her, I should not have let it bother me..I gave my power away to her by engaging in a hurt reaction. She gently guided me by saying it is understandable to be hurt..it is okay to let yourself feel what you are feeling.. Hey yeah..

Perceptions

Two women viewed my behavior in the same place during the same period of time completely differently. One reaction was entirely negative while the other reaction was completely positive. People's reactions to us may have more to do with the viewers perception of life or themselves then us. I must remember that there can be as many perceptions of us as there is people.

Job Fueled Lifestyles

Standing near a buffet table, chatting with a party guest. telling her that the homeless people in McDonalds help me with cutting and pasting, she gushed the homeless people help me with training my dog in the park. Homeless people had job fueled lifestyles prior to a major change..

How a Reader changed my Life

I love getting and reading blog reader's coments. A key coment may have changed my life. A reader sent me a warning, "emotional dumping and withholding is social warfare", regarding my relationships. He perfectly described my story of communication with the "favorite" people from my formative years. I was always in conflict regarding moving on from certain people because raw closeness was generated by their opening up to me. The same people would retreat when I needed a listener. The perfected worded description seeded an awareness to be on the look-out.

Onward and Upward

A woman complimented my low level of emotional investment in certain familial developments. I responded with the report that my friends bring me higher. Discusions with my friends always have a patina of "onward and upward" .. It is crucial to encircle oneself with motivating friends..and people that are happy for you when you succeed..

Like kid,Like an Adult

The first part of my employment in the classroom, I would get pained whenever the kids exhibited certain behavoral patterns. finishing my sentences, hanging out with a poor choice of friends, holding on to negative feelings and displaying a lack of self control...I do all of that and I am in my forties. I am willing to bet that a lot of other adults do too. Having this realization softened my stress and dressed me in empathy for their heartbreaks.

Waxing of my Legs and Coloring of my Hair

A recent online job application included a goal section. Greeting a key question, "how does the job you are applying for enable you to a desired field placement" with wanting a smart respectable response..my only dominant thought was that I wanted a job to pay for the waxing of my legs and the coloring of my hair.

Penetrating Questions

I attended a party this past week-end. A party guest asked me if I had ever been in a relationship. He progressed the conversation by asking me if I had intercourse. All penetrating questions.

Nursing his Indifference

My heartbreak is waning. I am questioning the end of the relationship less..not believing that I will ever stop wondering why he rejected me.. I do,STILL, text him because nursing his indifference is my only connection with him and I am not ready to give that up yet.

History Imprinted Human Behavior

Walking through "my Starbucks'" gallery, being a party guest this weekend... Thinking about my behavior and how it reflects my reaction to my mother's health issues..my weekend composed of people that did not know me during my life before a failing parent was apart..The party host reflected defensively on my behavior..I started to explain my history behind my human style..she laughed it off as my over-thinking.. We all bring a history to human iteractions..and it frequently has nothing to do with the person linked with the interaction.

Solicitation?

Needing some wei fei me time, I jumped into the shower. I threw on my pajamas and ran to "my Starbucks". Aproaching the major avenue of "my Starbucks",..in my jammies which consists of a green t-shirt to my knees and black loose pants.. a policeman put a million wattage light in my face while shouting "ARE YOU STOPPING CARS"? A cabdriver informed me that I was being questioned for solicitation. If I was going to choose to solicit drivers, I would have blown dried my hair.

Just Don't

Whenever I apply my powder, I continue to feather my face with my brush..over and over again on every facial feature and through out my face. I realized that I was trying to rub my face off..Adults will discuss my face from my pores to my eyebrows.. Even on my best days, a portion of my cells will carry a portion of it with me. Adults always say that they are doing it in the name of helpfulness,thoughtfulness and love. And I say, JUST DON'T.

Learning to be in the moment

A person negatively evaluated me this week. I was not upset with him. I was upset with myself for lettting it happen..I did not walk away ..catch a cab or bring the conversation to an end..I stood there and listened while he told me what was wrong with me.. I must learn to be and react more in the moment..

"Popping of a Pimple"

I have watched a youtube clip of a pimple being popped....it was more like a lancing of a cyst..but I digress..I always viewed inanimate things as having human qualities ..so whenever I think of the "popping of a pimple" video..I think of how that puss must have been itching to break free..it must have felt really trapped...

A Place of Hope

I performed last night. I spent some of my words in my verbal budget talking about my relationship with Starbucks or as my friend calls it the "Bux Cafe". An audicience member followed me out of the club room to express that the Bux cafe sounds like a place of hope for me. It is ..purely a place of anticipation and acceptance

"One of the Guys"

A man I see several times a week frequently coments on women's looks in my company. He would give detailed descriptions of what was wrong or right with a series of female's appearances. I have informed him that his words on this topic offend me. He always acted flumoxed by my reaction. This week, He cracked the code..he said that he verbally views women the way he does.. is because he views me as "one of the guys"

His Mother's Sister

A week-end started with a thought of asking an aquaintance about his mother. I fought the conversation starter because I had not met his mother..we had rarely discussed his mother..it could seem wierd..odd.. The question persisted in my brain..until sunday night when he informed me his mother's sister died over the week-end.

Victory was not Mine

I applied to a national company. A human resource manager reacted overnight. Two online skill tests were passed. An interview was scheduled. I have rarely felt as confident as I did before,during,and after the interview that the job was mine..I walked into the building with my inner voice singing "victory is mine"..The last time I felt this way, I got the job. Victory was not mine. I got an email and phone call. I wanted to surrender into a sob..tears did not come..instead I told myself that it was valuable interview practice. I am unclear..I was erected on the concept that if a person feels it..visualize and declare oneself worthy..it is theirs to have.. onto to the next thing..

Dream Laughing

I hang out and interact with healthy versions of my parents in my dream sleep. Waking up to the awareness that my parents are in altered states is an abrupt slap to my overview of life. no points of wisdom are remembered ..no key advice was given to me ..only a memory of laughter remained In the future, I will smile from dream laughing and not feel slapped from waking up to real life.

"Like"

I say the word,"like", constantly. I was completely unaware of the verbal tick until a co-worker pointed it out to me. I am, only now, slightly aware when I say "like" prior to each of my words. How can I change a verbal pattern, when I am unaware when I am engaging in the pattern..this could be tricky

Emotional Pixels

I had a random reconnection with a person from my recent past. She immediately pointed out a quality she liked about me. I believe the more we reinforce our positive behaviors and focus less on our negative behaviors.... Our talents will fuel a spirit that will light the world like the pixels on a T.V screen and our poor habits will fade from our human monitors.

Feeling Super Lame

I feel super lame that I let this affect me. A co-worker rejected my need for help with a wordless shake of the head. He reported his victory to his cubicle neighbors..his reason was lost in a wispering vapor. I felt like I had returned to a grade school playground..my stomach tightened and I insisted on remaining silent around him and his work mates.. I was more upset by my reaction to his behavior then his behavior..normally I would wish the person well and release it.. maybe it is my strep throat not talking

Army of Opinions

I asked an associate for content suggestions for letters to an army private. She asked me how well I knew him. I explained to her that I did not know him..her mother requested letters and I am known for my letter writing ..so it seemed like an easy fit..I was struggling with feeling that whatever I write is trivial in comparison to his daily life She declared my writing a person I had not met as wierd. A former me would have asked several people if my behavior was wierd or not..my current version is making the indiviual choice regarding writing an army private I must mark my progress to lessen the days when I want to lay down

Empty Hands, Empty Stomach

A man aproached my table with empty hands and an empty stomach. I gave him the remaining change in my wallet and pointed him to the value menu. A woman yelled at me for giving the man the money...her voice represented the words of my brain when I was passing out the money to the man.. "save the money" The man never bought any food.

One Night, One Conversation

I will meet a person in a starbucks' line..a holiday party or an airplane and have an exquisitely rich conversation. The same houmer and awareness of references are shared and then they disapear. My only forsenicly clear expectation is that I want more of it..all other expectations could be worthy of smog alert.. I am starting to focus on swallowing the concept of taking in the life moments and be grateful for the joy of the laughter..instead of asking why the conversation was fleeting