band of brothers

I am nurtured by a group of male friends and I refer to them as my band of brothers.
A brother escorted me to a party. Standing on the porch, He turned to me and said
"You are going to be the most interesting person at the party" And you know, I believed him.

cycles

I have more emotional cycles then Lance Armstrong. My mind pedals on the wind of desire to be different. When will I change? What can
I do to instill change are a daily breeze. The true change that will be the answer to the other changes is for me to ride the wave and while riding the wave, taking in the natural beauty.

odd expression

"Alright, keep your pants on", is routinely uttered from my mouth. I have frequently thought of it as an odd expression. Is it an often occurrence for a person to remove their pants when impatient?

knish

People frequently think I am an east coast Jewish person, perhaps because I can be had for a knish.
Masol tov

emotional detours

Whatever the shape or length of my emotional detour, I would condemn myself for not adjusting within a randomly selected period of time. My parent's dementia to an ending of a friendship, I would tell myself that I should be in the acceptance phase by now. Who says?
This my first time going through certain types of terrain. I may never accept it and that is okay.

a gay intervention

I was called to meet my friends at a local happy hour. Isn't that always how it starts? Securely seated, I quickly discovered that my friend's frustration with my selection of accessories would be served with the drinks. Yelping that they plainly could not take one more moment of my string pearls in their eye line. Simply put my trifecta pearl display of ring,bangle and necklace needed a serious vacay. Beseeching them to understand that it was all in the name of elongating my torso, which is what was asked of me? The defense could not be swallowed with the drinks,they spit out the words, the necklace is not long enough to elongate.

Easter

Viewing Easter as an opportunity for rebirth and a time of renewal. Prompting an emotional and a physical inventory. Questioning what
qualities to keep and surrender as I spring forward into the remainder of the year and life.

considering the source

Who to listen to is not always an easy choice. A viable evaluating process is to take
a moment and reflect on the communication history of the speaker. An inner voice beckoning my attention with a "hey you, this does not feel right" is the emotional version of the red button popping up on a finished turkey, just as the turkey is done
so is your evaluation process.

bragging

Brag about yourself. Promote yourself. We have earned the right to discuss confidently
what we like best about ourselves. Comedy club producers will ask me how I want to be
introduced and this has proven to be a grand exercise in taking in and owning my accomplishments. Crystallizing a more balanced self view.
How would you like be introduced?

journal

Thoughts swallowing my concentration. Selecting the wrong ear could darken feelings of anxiety, disappointment and defeat. Depositing my feelings of fear on the blank pages of my journal restores my concentration and enables me to do today what will best form my future.

balance

It is so easy to only take in the negative remarks said about us. Taking in the more positive remarks are a more important mode of
emotional engagement. What if what we focus on expands? Do you want to be wrong?

zeroing in

Reasons to be happy are not taking hold. Avoiding drowning in powerlessness, zeroing in on what I can control. The hanging of clothes..
Contributing more healthy foods to my body. Performing less acts to reinforce negative relationships. Helping myself in smaller ways
to build a pathway to help myself in a larger way.

tears

Brushing on empty. verging on crying, yet the tears will not come. Visualize the volume and speed of the saltwater breaking down a dam.
The unrestricted flow will remove my emotional build-up and I will be able to start a new. I could be starting to get close, my dam is wearing away more each day.

in the moment

Seeking clarity on friend's feelings behind their coments requires a being in the moment. Taking a moment to exchange your reaction and the motivation of the speaker will prevent misunderstandings and a waste of focus. A focus that could be better spent
on you.

lipstick

Standing in a pocket of quiet, a beloved turned to me to compliment the color of my lipstick. Watching her tense body language as
her carefully chosen words floated into the air, "not that your other lipstick does not look good on you, it is only that this color may look
a little prettier on you". I took in her struggle for the right words and labored facial expression as the perfect illustration of how my not being at peace regarding certain areas of my life can affect my life partners. My heart completely went out to her.

code red

recruiting my friends to catch me in certain negative defining behaviors by requesting that they declare "code red" whenever I put myself down in subtle and overt ways. If I was ready to make a behavioral change, would I need a "code red" declared?

snowflakes

The teachings and vocabulary of our parents created a molding imprint on our beings. This imprint is how we are unique and that is what
makes us snowflakes. We can either question our parent's methods of teaching or celebrate how the lessons make us stand out from the
crowd. I choose to celebrate how I am a snowflake.

messages

Does this happen to you? A note, an email or phone call will posses perfect timing and an affirmation of your authentic self.Tonight I spent
the evening wondering my life's direction,when I received two emails reinforcing my life's track.
It seems random. Getting messages from infrequent co responders. Is it? or Is it the universe creating balance and using people
as messengers to encourage us to keep at it, we are on the right road, we are on our way.

marital noah's ark

Singularly crossing the thresh hold of an annual party invoked the attention of a self-thought to be good-doing former girl scout leader.
Cornered, empty handed of the social lubricant of a martini,the former leader tried to lead me to my needed awareness that I should be attending parties with a man and not alone. Surveying the room and observing a guest list that could double as a marital Noah's ark splashed me with sadness , thinking of the interesting single men and women that stay home because they may think they would considered more valuable in a pair.

wake-up call

A relative used the method of yelling to wake me up in my formative years. Growing from teen-ager to an adult I would hear the morning insults replayed in my head. A realization rose in my mind as the sun rose, I did not have a choice in experiencing the first
wake-up call. I do have a choice in re-experiencing it..if only in my head

one foot in front of the other

Walking with a friend helped me walk through a crisis. She exercised my brain with life changing observations while we exercised our bodies. The expectation of the nearly nightly walk gave me a point of calm during my hardest of days. Putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time gently became the metafor for my life. I do not need to know what will be on my life's path, I just need to know how to keep
moving forward.

reversing the fortune

Reporting to a dear friend: he says I am a safe place, I fill him with complements, I make him feel good about himself .The words twirled on my tongue while my brain twirled with a sense of being okay because I was viewed not as a source of hurt,pain or conflict. Yeah, but he is mean to you responded my life advisor. Relationships are not always about how well you treat your friends, it also about how well you are treated.

emotional candid

I rolled out of bed, threw on black threads and my pink Lauren hat. A friend had a 5:30 am t.v segment. I went to watch and tell him what he did right. Pictures were
taken of the two of us discussing presentation. Pictures were attached to an email
coloring me as a passionately engaged life coach. Challenging myself to replace my
negative view with his view, all my strengths rotated in my head like a Rolodex.

Howard Rourk

What do you do when you find a life situation hard to navigate? I turn to my favorite
literary character, Howard Rourk from fountainhead, and instantly know what to do.
You know what? He is never wrong.

taking compliments

Taking in complements is not a sign of entitlement. It is a sign of a realistic view of ourselves. always a good place to be

Iphone

A relative was pestering me to get the latest IPhone. Responding that buying the phone was self-indulgent, he said exactly.

Words of my Father

My Father would always tell me that people need to maintain certain beliefs. I do. I need to believe that I will be better at living each day. I need to believe that I will
put myself down less each day. I need to believe that I will take breaths each day before I make decisions. I need to believe that I am carving a desired future life during my everyday life.

I also need to believe that when I hand the cashier my debit card, I will stop reporting that I do not have cash for amounts less then 10 dollars.

throw away coments

I would be surprised by the number times that I put myself down in an off-handed way. so dumb, pathetic, ditsy, ridiculous, I tell myself
that it is okay because they are just throw away comments. Words that come from my mouth represent me and chip away at my self profile
and that is never okay. Throw away comments need to be thrown away, one self abusive line at a time.

We can do this.

Life is a daily process.