Caramelized Words

I had started engaging in conversations with an acquaintance. The words he used to describe me would be caramelized with a layer of healing that nourished my motivation to thrive. 

Then..during one conversation ..He submitted a blistering evaluation ..

I know..intellectually..that I am entitled to having the healing without the hurting..

Now..I must put it into practice

Not About That

A co-worker said,in a most reassuring tone, that a mutual co-worker liked me.  It is not about if a person likes me it is about whether I LIKE the person.

EarShot

I have been having a specialized experience in the displays of human interaction.  People that maintain a role in my life are engaging in conversations about me in all ranges of my ear shot.  I did not have a reaction to the act of talking about me, I had a reaction to their selected words.

Negative Editing

I could be ready to make a change.  In the name of venting, I report stories of people's mistreatment of me.  It can serve as an indirect way to put myself down and give permission to others to also put me down.

Talking to a friend, I actively edited negative stories from my converstion.  I have hope that a my new behavior will hold.

Hoola Hoop

I am loosing weight.  The waist of my pants are starting to feel like a hoola hoop.  Wondering if the
bagginess of my cotton pants makes me look like I yearn to be a gang member. And just what
would my initiation be?

Condescending?

When people classify me as condescending...I ask them if they know the definition of condescending

Elevating Positions

I am in daily contact with a woman that volunteers information about her friends.  Whenever she introduces a friend,in conversation, she elevates their professional position.  Slotting a friend as a
veterinarian when he is a veterinarian's technician.

I do not question her descriptions because I feel it is more important for her to convey the discussed
image then for me to correct them.

Messiness

During the first year after my mother's death, I showed my most messy self to a male friend.  We are now in infrequent contact. 

A goldfish of a thought will swim in my emotional waterway. A want to have a meal and show my less messy side and my  more peaceful side....then I was thinking I am almost convinced his personality draws out my messy side...So I may never  have such a desired moment with him  

Unguarded

My market manager will sidle up to me with a dead on observation and I will burst out with a loud booming laugh. 

My ability to surrender into the freedom of  the unguarded movement of  laughter is one of  my favorite self parts.

Plowing Through Unpleasantness

I have a bad history with a woman that I must continue to interact with through-out my week. I would plow through the unpleasantness of her voice during each call.  One day, I overheard her use the same tone of voice with a friend..it occured to me that her voice may not always be in connection with me... 

Putting Jeanie Back in the Bottle

I am known for(maybe to) engaging of the people that cross my path at "my stripmall".  The engagement had a subtle start..a smile or a wave, friendly observation, expression of concern for me in dark parking lot..and then the communication easily became to elastic...

How to learn to put the Jeanie back in the bottle..

Gilda Radner Quote

Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

DELICIOUS AMBIQUITY...   by Gilda Radner

during anxiety peaks, I take refuge in the lack of certainity..

Sexually Flavored

A friend, during a sexually flavored conversation, informed me that he can go from sundown to sunset.

How does "daylight saving time" figure into that?

Material Comforts

A friend informed me that he considered me extremely attached to my material comforts. The statement invited me to compile a list of must haves...Asking myself what would give me true anxiety if I walked through my days without them..

A rough draft of my list could be: tooth brush,tooth paste, hair brush, water cup, library card, (maybe a) bed

What would be on your list?  

" But I woulda"

Ranting to a friend : "I would be following up..I just do not get it.."

My friend: " it is not about how you would react..it is about being able to accept the other person's reaction"

"One Size Fits All"

Relationships with food are personal. All rules do not apply to all people.  My relationship with food began to evovle when I  listened to my inner voice more and to people less.

A friend asked me for advice regarding size reduction and I abstained.  There are no "one size fits all" rules
to learning  how to become our best selves.

Having Right Now!

I was complaining to a friend about my past behavior.  Kvetching about feeling stupid.  She reminded me
that I could not do anything to change the past..ALL I HAVE IS RIGHT NOW!

"Praise Me"

I greeted a man that crosses my path at different points of my week.  He requested that I praise him.  It would have been so easy, for me, to hop into that role.  Wondering if I would empty  a part of my spirit by giving and not receiving stopped me.

Our fingers brushed

Dimes,pennies and quarters spilled out on the counter.  My hands stopped the change from clinking onto the floor and his hands sprung to defend his side of the counter. 

Our fingers brushed each other..not quite holding hands ..maybe another time

Our Inner Magic

Several days of my week, A certain man crosses my path.  He has requested the nickname of  "magic".  Complying quickly, I thought...we all have magic inside of us..he is claiming his... 

WaterProof

I spent a cabride crying in the blackness of the backseat.   My fortune was that I was wearing waterproof
mascara.

Good Phone with a Dear Friend

I partnered my morning with a talk with a dear friend. We talked about how my eating habits may reflect my reaction to a lifestyle change.  I have an attitude of gratitude for her contribution of observations. I am passing them onto you..

My Friend:  We are all emotional eaters..our choice and portion of food varies..we,all, have different eating habits...we,just, can not impose them on other people..

Schools Of Thought

It can be easy to talk ourselves out of  taking a different route in life. Grasping any school of thought that can  be a perfect fit for an arguement not to change...not having an ideal work history to change jobs..not leaving
a relationship because an inability to live a lone..what if I look bad?

Our lives could become better by leaps and bounds. Do you want to take that chance? I do not

One turning into Two

While completing my evening with a walk, I realized that I had not spent my day beholden to my vices

Perhaps..one day will turn into two days...

Uneven Application

A coworker exclaimed: Rebecca, your make-up is so evenly applied!..I thought: Funny, I usually try unevenly apply my make-up...

Emotional Eater

A woman asked me if I was an emotional eater.  I was caught off guard by the question because I have transitioned from being an emotional eater to a healthier eater.  Shame is not at the root of my desire to not confirm specific labels during my current stage of life.  It is,more, about feeling if the label truly applies myself or not...