Position Thrust

I have been insecure about my education for years. My geographical move has thrusted me into a position to interact with men from top east coast universities. I have been able to keep my own..they reinforce our talks as fun..being woken up.. Is the universe giving me a crash course in learning to make peace with a certain part of my self?

Without a Gun to my Head

I do not discuss my improved eating habits to invite advice..or torment..to be evaluated.. It is because I am caught off guard at being at my current point of evolution protein smoothies..brown rice..whole wheat bread with out a gun to my temple.. WHO KNEW?

Junk Food Version

I asked the bank teller what my checking account balance was..he ..UNSOLICITED..began verbally listing my past week end's debit deductions.. It felt like the junk food version of "THIS IS YOUR LIFE"

Wanting not Needing

I am learning that..even though I want something..does not mean I have to have it..

Library

I was sitting at a table  reading a memoir in an historical Boston library.  My background music was a woman teaching an older man to read..how brave of the man to have stated his need to improve his life ..and how appropiate for it to take place at a library..

Severed Ties

I am always surprised when a person does not absorb my value.  A man severed ties with me.

His reason was that he had to put himself first....Funny,..I thought I was doing that..

Womb

Food has become a key visual medium..whenever I venture from the womb of my closest starbucks ..and see various food court choices on the tables of consumers..I become consumed..my own self..and see no other way then to have "what she is having"

This particular time it is  a good thing not to cut the cord of new found womb..

A Dead Man's Suit

An Asian aunt came into the store to buy a suit for her nephew  to wear to his Father's funeral.  I was about to bag the two  suits..when an Aunt stopped me from placing the second suit in a bag.

she said, "that one is for his father and it would be superstitious to put the suits together"

Hate the "What Ifs"

I have been thinking about how to put ways into practice for new friendships in a new city.  Today, such an opportunity stood in front of my register and I did not act on it..my imagination is soil for a garden of glorious "what ifs"


A man with a serene smile and affirming gentle manner offered me his phone number..he followed
his initiation of his digits with.."I like you" in a firm masculine way

Even though, our rich convo continued ..I did not take him up on it..It was not that I did not feel worthy..
it was that I wanted him to directly ask me for my contact information..I did not want to be getting his..

Perhaps I will see him again....I will be sprinkling out my email address out more..

HATE THE "WHAT IFS"

EKG

An overweight woman was wearing a tight t-shirt..OMG such a tight t-shirt..it showed the whole bakery..and a complete outline of her belly button..

She was not wearing clothing ..she was wearing an EKG

T-Mobile

A Verizon worker informed me that he liked my sense of houmer.." I could talk to you all day"..

I think I will reserve judgement until I find out what T-Mobile think?

Parallel Tracks

Walking away, I heard a woman say to a mutual male co-worker, "don't do that again"

The deterioration of my health and my civil communication with the guys in my department appear to be on parallel tracks.

It is the women..most of them in their quiet twenties..rising up to tell the men to stop...they are doing it without any hint..that I am aware of .. that it can leave me verklempt..

A young female sales associate..nearly a fetus..approached me,at the onset of my employment with the
store.. and said .."I do not think you realize how naturally funny and smart you are and you are best type of person to work with.. she reinforced it with one word.."STOP" to a boy mocking me..

I have never had a person stand up for me before..

Taking it off!

An interaction with a client today:

Man: buying a purple vest..purple..I wanted black..

Me: I will take something off..

Emotional Sleep walking

A man and I were engaging in frequent convos to distract ourselves from our sadness.   I would reference the sadness routinely..

Then it occurred to me that I was not sad anymore..perhaps believing we have certain emotions or
reactions becomes habit..a form of emotional sleep walking

Same Page

A woman will misquote my thoughts (back) to me ..and follow it with, I am the only one that understands you..

"we are always so on the same page"

Discarded Death Stick

A man walked up behind me with a lit cigarette. He described scouring sidewalks and courtyards for cigarettes with some puffs left on them..he explained that he was out of money and waiting for his next paycheck.."two days away"

He reported that he felt really lucky when he found a discarded death stick that was almost unused..

"some people will take two puffs and put them out"..

I look on the ground differently now

Empowering Methods

I consulted two men for different reasons and on two different opportunities..They responded identically:

"You are a smart girl..you do not need to be asking people for advice"

An excellent way to empower a person..

Forecasting

A man described how he tried to forecast the best use of his abilities and talents..while at university..
for the creation of a career..

I reinforced the smartness of that..he responded, " even when you try to plan..it easy to question your chosen path"

Light at the End of the Buffet

Lately, I have switched to eating unhealthiness in the morning..it throws my day off..yet I feel like I can not face the day with out it..

I see a light at the end of the buffet..

Convo Contradiction

A recent phone convo:

Man: I want to tell you something..I am afraid ..

Me: I do not judge you..spit it out..you are being really annoying,,I accept you

Man: Okaaay..

Me: GO

Glorious Feast

I have been noticing people leaving well sealed "to go" containers left in public areas.  I witnessed a scene connected to this trend..

Walking back from dinner with her family, a bag holding woman questioned keeping the food.." Why do I have this"?

She deposited the high quality leftovers..steak..breaded chicken ..macaroni and cheese.. vegetables

by a light pole..

What a glorious feast for a starving person

"With Out Papers"

A  woman asked me about my marital status.  She followed her question by announcing she got married at forty-five.  She described him as a man with out "papers"

Love brought to you by your local I.N.S

Educational Pedigree

I had a duet of words with a researcher ..a man with a much more exclusive educational pedigree then me...We had a unique matching of thoughts..

It has occurred to me that ..a decade ago..a year ago..our difference in education would have rendered
me defensive and unable to fully participate in the convo..

Defensiveness makes lives harder..

Shards of Glass

I use a cracked IPhone..it looks like shards of glass being held together..there  are times when it feels symbolic of the dialogues being conducted on the phone ..

Carved

Living in a new city is giving me the permission to be a more authentic self...The city of my personal
history carved me with expectations of behaviors.

Foreplay

I informed a male host that we needed to buy wine before my visit.  He said he had a full bar.

Foreplay accomplished!

Underestimation

A woman expressed fear about living alone after being in a relationship..she may have stayed in the relationship longer because of the fear.

She,now, lives alone and loves it.  She may have  underestimated herself..