I am frequently finishing my emotional expressions with "and I am turning fifty"
It is my way of saying that I do not want to look back and view myself as crazy for
not moving on quicker from certain people in my life..I want to do my best in my forties to subtract the scene of me siting on a couch with a book in lap,in my fifties, dumbfounded by my length of deliberation on arriving at specific points
of my emotional map.
it takes about 40 years to gather lots of emotional leeches, and another 10 to salt and scrape them off. be glad you realize it this young; many live their whole life clueless.
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