Limitless Parenting

I met a father that lovingly posts and discusses his kids.   He oozes pride and spends one on one time with them. 

He shatters the theory, that raised me, that how are our parents are limited is (probably) a reflection on their  childhood emotional deprivations....

Today, the man, described to me, his parent's disownment of him....

His parent's limits made his parenting limitless

On Chill

"Soda is pure sugar...you need to "just" stop drinking that... People will explain to me with a patina of
never having had an addiction or a weight issue....

Depending on the looseness of my schedule or if I am sharing a car ride with them...I counter with a
patina of having the conviction that certain habits can be a part of our tissue...

I made a special trip to the market to collect soda...I placed it in the ice box...I craved and drank
ice water for days...yet knowing that the soda was available relaxed me...completely calmed me

Ending Nicely

I talked to a man for the first time ...he ended the convo the way I do...when I was younger I would have viewed that as a sign...

Now I view it as nice

Sharing Film Clips or Laughter

I will be having a routine day...going about my responsibilities....and then I will see a clip of a movie, my father and I shared or I will think of laughing with my mother...


The triggering of memories can trigger wet eyes...

Units of Movement

The less the processed the food is the more the eating  choices  become units of human movement....grapes...avocado...blueberries...super thin bagels....tomatoes ...munchkins (not doughnuts)

deprivation and feeling stuffed  or lethargic can be avoided at the same time

Healthy Choice

Does it defeat the purpose of selecting a healthy choice meal....when I add salt?

Mutual Contentment

There is a special feeling when the dog(s) I am  caring for are asleep for the night....watching them sleep....knowing they are calm....affirms  that I was not neglectful...appears to create a mutual feeling of contentment ..
My abundance of love for the animals I am trusted with ....can surprise me 

Blue

My status with Hilton Honors is Blue.....How did they know my emotional disposition

Step Back and Add People

It can be  important to step back from people that you speak to frequently and introduce new people

routinely..... 

It can be beneficial for your perspective

Fresh Foods and Olive Oil

I am learning how to cook.   Starting with the basics....olive oil  and fresh food...

there is something so satisfying in hearing the knife meeting the selected foods on a cutting board and

placing it in a steaming oil ....seasonings ...in a sauce pan...

Laying Tile

A man came to house to lay tile.  I wanted him  to lay more then tile...I kept offering him water to be hydrated for the event..

Act of Humanity

Last night, a woman informed me that her adult son gets depressed.....the minute I heard of this...I thought I should call...spearing him with   my uplifting  words and attention ...I mean it is an act of humanity...

This morning, I am absorbed with amusement by my arrogance

Eighty

I "ran" into a woman from my past.  She asked about me...I told her that I only remember people's positive behavior towards me and not the bad...which can set me up for further mistreatment...

(YOU KNOW TYPICAL SMALL TALK)

she responded on point: I still find it hard and I am 80

It gave me the gift of security for those moments when I 80everyone else has the hang of it

Indelicate

Arguing with my mother was my indelicate way of  negotiating space or boundaries

Watching

Whenever I spend a lot of time on entertainment sites...I am reminded of my mother's quote:

"You are watching other people live instead of living yourself"

Shameless

I made a mistake.  A man tried to reassure me.." you are fine...you are fine"

I feel to old to feel shame from a mistake.... only to learn from it...

Different Path

Whenever I start to feel glum about my path in life....not where I thought I would be... I have started to tell myself that I am not  on a worse path...

It is a different path

Mistress

I know a woman that is dating a married man.   She will smugly announce that she is ceasing connection then she will glibly announce traveling with him.

I recoil when the subject of the relationship arises ..I think of the wife..

Whenever I am peak judgment mode, I ask myself if the person mirrors my disliked behavior

I do not think I have had  a similar experience...

Really, the bottom line is, is that it is none of my affair..

Better Off

Whenever I feel sad about the departure of a person from my life...

• I am  myself "how am I better off?" 

"He is not in Love with You"

I had dinner with a man and a woman.  selected dinner companions for how interesting I viewed them...

It remained interesting and became amusing...

When the man left the table, the following convo happened:

Woman: He really loves you..

Me: Tell me everything...talk slowly...let get a pillow and curl up ...a bedtime story

Woman: He is not in love with you!

Then he came back to the table....If George W. Bush had her conviction, he would have found
the Weapons of Mass Destruction

Summer of Concentration

I have a distinct feeling that this summer will be a rich period of concentration.  There will be more awareness of how and who I spend my time with to avoid distraction ...be quieter.. I have hand picked specific behaviors that will be required to reduce in order to have the future more of how
I desire it..

This summer is the perfect time to do it..

Needed Changes

I feel very lucky most of the time.   Yet there are moments when my words come out course...and I fear that my propensity for anger or bitterness will take over...

Perhaps my concern is exactly what I need,  to make needed changes

We Could all use That

 I ran into a man from my past.  He sensed my self loathing.   Seeing him,yesterday, reminded me of how he spent a year telling me...each day..."there is nothing wrong with you"

We could all use that

Ransom Notes

Made a point to hit my local used book store....approaching the final chapters of  a book can strike fear in an insomniac's heart...

Dreaming of a cheap find in the clearance section fueled my steps upon entry of  the sentence recyclers...

Only to be halted by a man in the center of the section.... with a cart toppling with books

I could not help think he was purchasing the books to cut out letters for ransom notes

Dental Dam

I am in between sizes. I float in the larger size of pants and the smaller size could serve as a dental dam.

Enough! She Pleads

A friend is going through a break up.  When she calls I pecker her with questions...my solution to wanting to be engaged without putting words in her mouth....

In the middle of my third question about what was at the root of her anxiety...she makes it quite clear  I am at the root her anxiety...

ENOUGH WITH THE QUESTIONS! she pleads

Not Sharing

An associate informed me that most of the staff does not get my personality.  Funny, I did not believe
I had shared my personality with them  

Being Lead by Demons

A neighbor's angry words bled onto  the courtyard...I hear him shouting "ENOUGH!...I SAID END OF DISCUSSION" ...through a closed door..

He confirmed my theory that he is talking to himself...his answer included, "we are all lead around by demons"

Hey I totally understand having  demons...arguing with yourself and being on the verge of loosing the debate    is less clear

Karen Carpenter

I  attended dinner with a gay crush...my eye make up smudged during the course of the evening..

resulting in black circles under my eyes...I looked like Karen Carpenter near the end..

He beseeched me to get some sleep..

Word Gravy

A man described the ending of his marriage.  The reasons sloshed in a gravy
of " I thought she would  be this way"

I suggested it was more about his expectations then real life

When the Real Change Comes

Every waking minute, I wish I was a different person.  Consistently the same wish follows my stack of individual wishes to eradicate individual behaviors...a wish for me to be able let it all go....

for that is when the real   change comes

Accomplished Gift

A gift we can offer our friends is to  remind them of their accomplishments

NUT!

I was raised by a man that was loving to me in private and mocked me in public.

When a male friend was telling me what was good about me in private and calling me a "nut"
in public ...I immediately sensed  a familial pattern..

I asked him  to stop....then released my dislike of it...for he was not like the man from my past

because he became loving of me in both private and public..

Man-Made

I had dinner with a woman.  She asked about a former class-mate...

Me: He started a firm....he is completely man-made

Woman: as opposed to what?

Me: meant self-made

Inprisoned

My goal is to stop feeling inprisoned by certain mistakes or memories

Indication

How a person breaks up with you may reinforce why
the person is not right for you

Dry Walling

I met a man.  He described, in great detail, his complete overhaul of his one hundred year old home.

He rewired...replumbed...stripped the wood floors.....repainted.... the only thing he was unable to

do.... was dry- wall


when he become flirty and suggested hanky panky....I responded that I could not be attracted to a man that was unable to dry wall properly...

Filling Our Worth

I tend to speak like a fortune cookie. The latest  slip of paper that has  rolled from my tongue is "fill your worth"

Serve your intelligence, be open to every opportunity, do not be distracted by  the reaction of the

peanut gallery

Everyday we can become better at being who we are.... refining our best parts..

"Living in the Moment"

A gay crush and I shared dinner...while we delected in our culinary selections, the man enquired about people that had a role in my distant past.

We concluded the evening by driving through a neighborhood,  where we, used, to reside..

His good night greeting was to "live in the moment"

Her Declaration

A woman announced that she did not want negativity spread.  After her declaration, every word that came out of her mouth was negative. 

Perhaps she was talking to herself..

Restless

I am feeling a bit restless.  A thought has given me hope.  The newly hatched idea is to drum up memories when I was content.

Then hand pick the habits that made me feel stable and secure and return to the selected behaviors

Rag Trade

I  work in a clothing store.  I requested a change in behavior from a co-worker.  She started her

response with  "in fair warning"...

It is the rag trade ...not the game of war..

Asshole

I do not think I even like him. He is probably an asshole.

I wish he would call or text me

Not What She Bargained

My mother and I attended a metaphysics church. A tenet of metaphysics is that we choose our parents
as we enter our new life. I was always fuzzy on this tenet. I feel I was not the offspring my mother bargained for... I, appear, to be the only person among generations to be learning disabled... have a space between my teeth and have an intense relationship with food...

I admired and envied my mother... I do not know what she thought of me.

I, do know, we had both exceptional moments and vicious moments.

I also know we did not know  better routes of communication when we most needed
them

Life's Work

Most days, I feel like my life's work is clearing up my emotional messiness

Asking Myself

My co-workers exhibit bizarrely bad social behavior.... and I do not  say that lightly...I will start to feel really bad about it....then I proceed to ask myself...

Is this going to affect the trajectory of my life's course?   Will this situation or person matter to me

in a year's time?

Asking myself the questions usually keeps me off the ledge

Living Rent Free

I am training myself to evaluate my need to  the information prior to asking a question.

The  given information could ,easily, distract me by  living rent free in my in my memory

Paw to Hand

When my best gal pal and I discuss boys.   I close with desiring my main goal of holding a man's hand...particularly while walking or sharing a couch...

A beautifully ideal canine companion has started to offer her paw...while we share a leather couch ....while standing with her, she firmly places her paw on my foot...

It felt so good....I felt like an okay person...all my anxieties melted away..

My Best Friend

I am rarely as healed as by the companionship of a dog

A "Non-Event"

A friend's mother and I were discussing an awkward convo I had with a semi-stranger....her final

instruction was to "consider the convo as a non-event"

I will use her instruction for the rest of my life

Loving the Classics

Standing in my local grocery, I flashed on the amount of time I may have left.


"How Do I Want To Be During My Remaining Time?

My thoughts ,followed the question ,  consumed with an inventory of habits I could stop ... That could only contribute to polishing a better self ...

eating different foods, spending less money, only spending time with people I truly like

You  know, the classics ... I always loved the classics

Rushed Realizaion

Endings can be the best thing for me.   The prayer of distraction drives me to grapple to say yes to every offered experience.

Inviting people, who had previously intimidated me, for a meal.  Looking back on the period that followed one of the biggest endings of my life rushed the realization that it was one of  the richest

Touched Deeply

Sitting, alone, in a gay bar playing bingo. A man caught my attention from the moment I entered the bar .... he retained my attention by how he reacted  to his boyfriend

They  held each other ... when one was missing the fingerprints remained
by the sparkle from his eyes to his chin ...

They physical unity defined love and  acceptance

It touched me deeply

Silent Movie

I was checking the times of flicks at the local cinema.  One of the picture show being offered was entitled "The Quiet Ones"

I asked if it was a silent movie

"Compare and Despair"

I trained an associate today.   The most important part of the training was to tell her not to engage
with "compare and despair" with other associate's seeming faster progress on a shared task.....

Doing your best can be supreme over certain job results...

I wish a person had said that to me when I was in my twenties

A Part of Me

When less then ideal people are a part of my life...they confirm their position with a highest form of disrespect
Certain friends react   by presenting the disrespect as evidence of my need to create better boundaries

I rarely hold on people's mistreatment of me because their best parts remain a part of me

"What are you Doing Now"?

.
I engage in friendships that compose of  nearly hourly phone calls.....convos are started with

"what are you doing now"? instead of hello

firstly the form of friendship seduced me...then I realized that it reinforced  one of my qualities most
worthy of eradicating...a reporting of mundane activities

The behavior also embodies  a blind functioning that promotes more expected reactions

then immediate instinctive responses

Duet with Natalie Cole

I will be drawn to a specific type of man...he has a dry wit.... such a dry manner that he could perform
a duet with Natalie Cole...uniquely keen observations...an affirming perspective..

Women will quickly classify my thoughts of the discussed man as sexual...

I beg to differ for I desire to opt out of a sexual dialogue....in favor of  the joy of amusement

from an intellectual one

Love Forms

People are forms of love

Cracked Like a Walnut

At given moment of the day, I would call a particular person seeking answers on subjects ranging

Jackson Pollack to patterns on my water bill

Explaining to a girl that I call people with questions when I should turn to Google.

She cracked me like a walnut....suggesting that I want the human contact with the answer

I.DO, want a sense of partnership while increasing knowledge

Starting

To accomplish our goals ..we have to start the process

"My New York Friend"

I tend to glorify my past. At any given moment demanding to return ...

My "New York friend" delivered me a needed voicemail ...

Her words were " we are not returning to the past, we gotta keep moving"

Inspired by Words

I interacted with a father that lost his daughter.  It was a recent loss... barely a year has gone by..

He told me with a glowing smile:

There is always something to look forward to....take in the positive moments

Elevators

Whenever I am alone with a man in an elevator , I mentally ask " what do you find sexy"?

Consoled not Taught

A woman was discussing her room-mate's boy troubles.  When the chosen man disrespects her friend..

The woman routinely reinforces her roomie's role in her hurt by reminding her that she made  a
poor male selection

Sometimes we want to be consoled more then being taught

Hidden Agendas

A woman and I  have exchanged emotionally intimate convos for over a year.  We openly discussed the changes in our lives.


She, recently, evaluated our past convos..that I attached an agenda to most of my words submitted to

her ..I found this  extraordinary

How exhausting it must be for a person to actively attach multiple meanings to a person's words

Seeing Him Again

I have to share this with you because I find it so funny...

Standing in line with a man that spurned me ...he is still diggable..a human version of easy company

I order macaroni and cheese with tomato in such a feelingly beseeching way that comes out as an

utterance....

He probably ordered the most healthy thing on the menu...a fruit vegetable smoothie ..hold the
yogurt..

The muttering of my order was a perfect illustration of Rebecca not talking to him was not

Upkeep

The upkeep of maintaining shame can be to demanding