Atheist

We did something that I was told we should never do....We talked about religion at a party.  

I was book-ended by two atheists....I do not think I believe in that ...it is so  absolute

Golden Showers

I submitted a personal ad.  I wanted to expand my life experiences....throwing out a fishing line for a blind date...

A man responded, with a picture, with a request for golden showers....he appeared to be quite  impassioned by the possibility of it....

The notion of it prompted me to be most curious about the process....would he have rubber sheets?...

which is a more appropriate hostess gift? bedpan or urine sample...


I did not meet him

More Croutons and less Cheer

I went to a salad bar today....a place I routinely choose for my produce hook-up....the attendants greet people with such exuberance  that it floods my frontal lobe with the question, "do anti-depressants come with your company plan"....

I would prefer less cheer and more croutonsMore ...

High School Reunion

A man was discussing his reluctance to attend a high school reunion.   He was bullied and feared similar behavior at the gathering.  

I asked him if he would like to be treated as he is now or as he was....I  proceeded his request to be reacted to his current himself with the suggestion he do the same for the former classmates....

Keep it Corked

A man and I were hosting a dinner party. Sitting in anticipation of our first guest... Everything was set...  I turned to the man and asked if we should let the wines breath... He responded :

"No, not for the quality of wines you buy"

Self Programming

I saw a man today.   He was engaging in rituals that he knows will upset him...he is programming

himself  to be upset...

It was a reminder for me to focus more on what will  program me to be positive...weed out behavior or people that de-elevate spirits

Jackie Kennedy

When people questioned my spending time with the stallion....I would explain to them that he would only tell me  what was right about me.....no friendly suggestions of  behavioral changes....

The opposite experience of my formative years and I soaked it up.... whenever and however I could


Cut to last Friday night, I was listening to the tapes of Jackie Kennedy and she revealed that her husband never asked her to be different then who she was when she was First Lady....


Acceptance is the gift we can give each other...

Indirect Force

A woman was venting to me about her relationships...whenever her story reminded me of an area of my desired change or a past period of inferiority ..

My elevated breathy  neutral position would became a forceful strained voiced one...

It is almost like I think that if I indirectly change the characters in the story ....by repeating determined assessments ...then I will change a part of myself  or a part of my life..

Limiting Stallion

I have slipped and have been making a common mistake.     Ending a summer relationship with a man, Stallion, has triggered a delayed reaction.

"What if I can not do better then the Stallion"?


which is preposterous....I would rather seek options and stay alone...then fear being with a person that can limit me...

It could be more about how to get out of the moment (quickly) then how to avoid it....

Four Pounds

I have  become one of the masses that walks armed with a Styrofoam cup from Circle K....it has reduced my soda drinking...which broke my weight plateau by enabling a four pound weight loss....I fill it with water...

The cup has become my security blanket and the straw  attacks my oral fixation which releases the potench of demanding cravings...

Unblocking Beauty

A woman submitted the following theory....

The theory is that blocked contentment can block beauty.   My, recent, increased comfort in my skin has increased positive reactions of my behavior....

Mental Illness

A member of my circle is mentally ill.  The person appeared to be stable.....I observed that through perpetual symptoms  related to various displays of anger....

Our recent convos are illustrating an advancement  that has given my  minutes to being jarred....a sense of reality does not appear to be present...

I am adding this to  my list of what I am unable to control

Could be an Option

What do you do when you have a mentally ill relative?    I talked to her for fifteen minutes about food portions only to have it followed with an email stating that we never talked about food portions....

She is never in present day...she retold stories of her being wronged from the 1970s, 1990s and the 2000s

She won't make sense with the fierce attitude that she is only one that is.....

Wishing her the best from a distance could be an option

Indeed

My first convo with a  young woman was filled with her proclaiming her good qualities .  I pointed out her high level of self confidence.

She reacted, "why not"

Why not indeed....

Stallion's Reality

The stallion was sharp...just so sharp...striking looking and gave me a form of acceptance that I had never had...let's also throw in that he was 26...

I stayed with  him longer than was best because I was enthralled by the concept of this unexpected composite of a person being  drawn to me...

It was more about the concept then the reality...

"Busy Sweater"

I was cruising clothes choices while on the horn with my super gay crush.  Describing a sweater selection dominated the dialogue ....

He endeavored to hone my fashion taste by declaring that the sweater sounded to "busy"

His warning was not heeded and I wore it that night...When I informed him of my outfit during my post dinner date wrap-up.....

He queried, " I thought we decided that you were not going to buy that"

Seedling

I introduced a story with a negative self  evaluation ...

The listener reacted with: "cut the commentary"

It was crisp and has seeded a change

Advancing Each Other

When I was reunited with grade school chum,  stories spilled out of me.  I was mad to tell him the multiple ways his  mother changed my viewpoints.  

He was drawn to how wording could be so effecting.... We are advancing each other's lives everyday without knowing it...

Howard Stern

I had a moment when I was listening to a Howard Stern interview ....

A man was describing his professional history ..... Brain cells brightened
with the thought that I should be achieving instead of hearing about
other's achieving

Dollar Menus

Dollar Menus have become the cuisine of the homeless and the working poor

Sister

It was never my intention to be unable to communicate  with my sister.    Her absence becomes more acute when I find myself  using a shared voice or facial expression....

Tells only she would understand.....I have wanted to be her and have been grateful not to be her.

The reason I am grateful not to be her is why I am unable to communicate with her.....

Bit Trippin

I am a bit trippin over my sprouting vanity over aging....particularly for a person that has not been valued for her looks.....

The first time vanity became my companion was  when I looked into the mirror and saw that a flat wrinkle had become a drained irrigation ditch....long and deep....

Fittingly, an equally high point of vanity was finding a start to a varicose vein below my knee...

Hence a trip to WEBMD for prevention.....of  vain moments..

Sober Man

I asked the universe  to add a sober man to my social circle.    Last night, I reconnected with a man....I ran into him on my nightly walk....he works across the street from my ghetto pad....and

has become sober....he seems to be  a sincere sober guy....I could use some of that

Twenties in my Forties

I am experiencing my twenties in my forties.    first dates....only dates...experimentation...a new layer of self respect that weeds out continuing to  practice  forms of experimentation

Experiencing my first "break- up" has been a part of the education.   I ended my relationship with the
"STALLION" ...I will go from the embodiment of being at peace with the decision...only seeing the benefits....then I will be out on my nightly walk and bales of grief will hit me...

The grief has been the origin of a renewed compassion and admiration for people that  are enduring and functioning through divorces or other major life style changes

Waiting

I met a man. He is very empowering ... I love how he communicates with me.... He classifies  me as a person like no other person he has met...,

I consider him a person perfect for me while he does not  consider me perfect for him

I will have to keep you posted

True Colors

I described clamming up, in response to being insulted   to a woman.... she suggested, that I   express being hurt......by saying " your words hurt my feelings"

I am not a person that showed that true color...maybe I should start..