My Claw

I relayed a story to a man.  Framing the story with one of  my  usual phrases, "stuck in my claw"

He suggested, I clean out my claw

Exploring

I spent the afternoon walking in a fresh urban area.  It fueled my spirit discovering bucolic winsome
courtyards and independent healthy restaurants

The best part of  walking weather is the exploring that can be done

Sitting in a Therapist's Office

I was in my thirties sitting on a therapist's couch... I spoke with rigidity of all I could not
do... humanly defining a life of coming from NO... I was drowning in my self inflicted fat

My life started to require me to say  YES more often then NO

My fat  started  to naturally fall away ... I have evolved more in the last
five years then any other period of my life

Catch Phrase

It is not late for creating the future you want ... What you do now is the first step

Who I Am

People not reacting to my weight loss may care more about who I am then
what I look like

Poor Investment

A relative announced that he has spent a large portion of his time hating me.

That certainly seems like a poor investment

My Parents

The less my parents are in my life the more I am becoming like them.

I use most of my mother's phrases... particularly the unique ones that amuse
listeners..... assuming the attitude that "less is more"  is my father's inheritance

I remember my parents for their successes .., not their mistreatment

80%

A woman informed me of her lightbulb moment. She  was starting to get that 80% of her concentration will fully accomplish particular tasks instead of a 100%

Cooperation

When asked my political party membership, I answered that it was more about
cooperation among the parties then party affiliation

Rebecca Whisperer

I met a man. He is the Rebecca Whisperer . A nearly perfect communication match. He displays the
qualities I most desired from my parents.

The man is not the ideal love or friendship match.

Another time I would question meeting him... Now I am grateful for
what I learned from him

Ripple of Change

Seeking a new eating life,  I attended Over-Eaters Anonymous
meetings.  Whenever it was my time to share, I would cry so hard .... the meetings
would come to a complete stop....,

It reinforced my feeling of being hopelessly trapped... Looking back
maybe it was a ripple of change

Cameron Diaz

Cameron Diaz said in an interview:

I leave all my doors open because you never
know what will come in

The One Armed Man

Standing in a grocery check out line, I hear a cashier greet a customer.

He loudly responded, " things could be worse"

I turned to look at him.... I saw he had one arm

Well Hung

I work in a department store. A man emerged from a fitting room with pants
properly pinched by the hanger..,

When he handed me the garment, I reacted:

"Well hung" .... "The pants"

 attempting damage control

Positive Suggestion

When I report received "big" compliments to my mother's friend.... She will suggest that I
think of the positive words whenever I am feeling low

Soul Reaction

When you exhale.... strip your words of anxiety... and let your knowledge be the
soul of your reactions.. You may be surprised at how much you know

Sexual Drought

A man and woman live together.  His kicking in his sleep sent her to a spare bedroom.  The new sleeping

pattern put a stop to their sex life.  A  sexual drought was upon them...they both seemed stuck and not

quite sure how to ignite the fire.

It was suggested that they lay together at end of the night or at the beginning each day....

Rain is falling

Beautiful Disaster

When I told a dear one that I was a disaster at work.  She burst out laughing and said:

"A beautiful disaster"

Written Love

Today, I heard how a particular man fell in love with a particular woman.

While his father was dying, she texted the friend of a friend... A man she saw at parties... The community chain informed her what he was enduring ...

Her messages were a lighthouse in the uncharted sea of loosing a parent ... Just as his father stays with him... So does her written love

Seemingly Overnight

When a person is both dreamy and abusive to me,  the dreaminess was my focus and the abuse was

forgotten.

I,always, had a reason for cancelling out their abuse.  A change has occurred..seemingly overnight

Abuse is making the bigger impression then the dreaminess..

Turning to God

I was buying clothes for a trip.  Nearly nothing fit me... barely finding a handful of fashion threads

While in route, my button popped off my pants.... I felt hopeless.... I was terrified I would not be able

to stop eating and only get bigger

While walking through-out my visiting city, I stopped in every church I saw

Sitting in the pews across London, I turned to God ...


"I am out of control...I have to loose weight.... I need your help"

My eating habits gradually changed five years later....

Who do I Call ?

There is  a man that I  (used) to call when I was sad or  had a big issue to  process.., he was comforting with a keen observation.

He has rejected me .., now who do I call for consoling?

Exhausting

It is exhausting  to  overthink.... operate with self doubt
to  explain ....to be defensive

What are we not accomplishing while we are depleting ourselves ?

Window Shopping

I can see my past mistakes in my mind's eye like a person can window shop.   Each window  is a different memory... a  scene I wish I could do over...

I used to linger at each window...stare... wallow in each self defeating detail..

My steps have started to gain speed on the sidewalk foundation of the multiple displays of
my earned lessons ..

Life is created while you are moving not standing still

Sadist

I thought about wishing a man , that rejected me, ..,if u can believe that.., a Happy Easter ...

I must be a sadist

Freak Flag

My freak flag is flying at half mast

Broken Friend

A friend was describing her break up with her boyfriend. While I was listening, to her, I became more  
anxious with each of her details....

Because I knew I would not get an opportunity to talk about herself

Starting to Get It

I used spend time with people that disrespected me because I did not want to
be angry and unforgiving.

I am starting to realize I can remove the anger without setting myself to
be further mistreated by continuing to seek their company

A Corner of Peace

I saw a homeless woman sitting on a bench. Her blackened hands holding a music playing transistor radio.., it did not feel pitiful it felt like she found a corner of peace

Writing on the Wall

All my walls had writing on them. I did not act on the warnings. My life is fringed with the reality of not responding in a quicker fashion.

Learn from me... If a relationship or a dynamic starts to show u small negative results do not wait for
for a big (potential) negative result .., a blow up .., a degrading  rejection

Best Daily Decision

Fighting the urge to stay inside by stepping out through the front door  is my best daily decision.

Stepping into the outer world proves to be the most effective way for me to step outside my self.

Random convos and opportunities can divert my focus and change my perspective in minutes

Long Term Ejection

Sarcasm is my second language. I was discussing the weeding of people from my social shrub with a man.
I proposed that my lack of anger may prevent my long term ejection of people that mistreat me.

He  responded that sarcasm was a form of anger

I Miss Him

I miss him. He respresents a part of my life that I long for on certain days of my life.

I wish I had more appreciation of our time together while it was happening

Our talks were finite...our lives radically changed ..his by choice..mine was
ripped a part by satan's wisk

While his presence is gone, his teachings remain

Grand Plans

I have a relative that presents grand plans.  I will ask to meet her for a bite
and her response is to offer to create an edible feast.

Ultimately, she does not follow through on the culinary presentation or meeting me for a bite of albacore tuna

I used wonder, why the overthink... Now I wonder perhaps it is how she would like to be...

Soon I may stop wondering

Crystal Clear

A social behavior exhibited among "friends" has become crystal clear. It is a form
of negative reinforcement .... a declaring of me being wrong...  on a range of
of both objective and subjective acts

labeling me wrong for going to an interview.., assuming I am to blame whenever I do not connect
with a person . ... a general mocking of my behavior

Misplaced?

A man positive reinforced my weight loss. I was resistant because I felt his complements for my exterior being were out of balance with his reinforcement of my eternal being

I would have danced with delight if he would have been talking about my talents or personality traits

Being a Teen Ager

A woman describing her teen aged daughter brought me back to being one.

I wanted then what I want now, an acknowledgement of my feelings without needing a commitment

to change their behavior

Who is thinking of You?

People are thinking of us more often then we know.,..

Two examples:

A woman friend informed me ( with sincere surprise) that a male friend keeps a picture of  her on his
computer

A man informed me he listens to my phone messages multiple times ...

More people then you realize are sending u good thoughts

First Gut Response

For work:

I took a series of tests today. Whenever I did not follow my first gut response
I got the answer wrong

Something for me to think about for my tests outside the office

Less is Less

I am learning that when I remove my feeling of shame when engaging in my
"bad" habits... the less I engage in them

"Blank"

A friend routinely informs me what she (thinks) she does wrong.

I suggested she say to herself:  I did "blank" right today..,

Gradual Peeling

My gradual weight loss is peeling the layers off my feelings.

Motel 6

I stayed at Motel 6.  Their night light was a laser light.

Day to Life

Small daily decisions sets a life in specific directions

Coming Back From Breakfast

Coming back from breakfast... While riding in the car, a male friend asked
me an extraordinarily simple question, "how do you like to be complimented"?

Simple questions can open up the communication in our relationships which may
lead to spreading more peace and civility throughout the world one relationship at a time

In The Morning

I had a bad feeling about the following evening's plans. I almost canceled.

Going against my inner voice, I went out with friends.  It was a disaster!

The evening ended fighting with a girlfriend .. I think differently of her

Escape Hatch

My cultivating influences repeatedly informed me that my point of view was false.
It prevented the creation of a foundation in having any faith in any of my organic  reactions.
My core reaction was to  "run " my reactions to a key person in my life.., I wanted to verify if
I should feel hurt.

My awareness is creating an escape hatch from a wasteful way of life

Our Choice

 Co-journey partners and I discuss why we drink..  to sleep, to be more creative, to be more patient parents ..  bravery.. to numb pain..

Whatever the reason it is our choice to drink just as it others to be sober

Triggered

I become haunted when memories of mistreatment (of me) are triggered because I let it happen. And I fear I have not changed and will continue to let it happen.

Erasing Shame

When I reveal my eating habits or my weight loss it is to erase my shame ...., Not to elicit advice
People's habits are a very personal way for the habit holder's to navigate life

Emotional Answer

When a certain female describes a man as her emotional answer. I get physically tense because I am flooded with thoughts of the unavailable man that I view as my emotional answer

Deaf Bus Rider

A man informed me that he was deaf. I reacted by whispering my apologies.

Size

When in doubt, I take the smaller size choice.

Ice Cream Scooper

I have been tasked with dispensing my mum's ashes among her loved ones. A friend asked: what are you going to use? An ice cream scooper?

One vs Many

I must remember that one person's negative opinion of me does not represent a larger portion of society

For You

It is not about having a companion. It is about having the right companion (for you)

Shanks

• I had dinner with relatives. The atmosphere  was less then welcoming. The table was set with shanks.

Chronic Pain

I am learning that a high percentage of people in my routine communication have chronic physical pain. I have a new perspective on their behavior. Drinking to numb pain ..less reliable.. distracted