narrow view

I am capable of reliving a hundred of my verbal blunders in merely minutes of time. Getting a note thanking me for inspiring her to face a fear planted the awareness that when only viewing my blunders, I am only observing a narrow view of myself.

Come on, it does make sense.. of all of our behavior .. our mistakes are a small part of us.. if what we focus on expands wouldn't it be smarter to focus on our
good parts.

story-telling

Making the laugh supreme, leads me to tell stories with me as the punchline. The plot-lines are frequently about rudeness being directed towards me. My friends were
finding the stories less and less amusing.. greeting the stories with silence.. some
even told me to stop telling the stories.

Their reactions brought me to the emotional place where I could take in the clarity
to realize that I was indirectly putting myself down and was indirectly giving the listener permission to violate certain boundaries. I have begun to limit the story telling.


Pause, reflect, act

choices

Holding my phone, hearing silence where disrespect was heard only seconds before, I tell myself I do not want to do this anymore... like it is a job, an unpleasant duty..

I wake myself up by reminding myself that friendships are a choice. I must practice
moving on faster... to invest less when the return is a negative dividend

emotional stretching

Going to the gym grumpy was the only way I could go to the gym. The gym felt like a Starbucks with weights and I resented both the chattiness and gleeful attitudes of the trainers.

Well I was unable to attend the gym for a week and I felt so sad. I truly missed it. Going to the gym are my best moments of my week.

Returning to the gym, my negative emotional curtain.. and that curtain was a heavy velvet.. parted
and I took in everything good about the atmosphere of the gym and gave the prayer of thank you

Invisible

I go about my daily, weekly routines not expecting to make an impression on the people I encounter. Using my computer,at Starbucks, a green aproned angel evaluated my exterior phone calls as thoughtful behavior. Feeling less invisible reinforced the powers of positive observations.

words matter.. your complement maybe the only one the receiver gets that day

Green-Aproned Angel

Clutching my fruit bowl while nearly frozen in grief over my day being minus a rice krispie
treat. A favored green-aproned angel asked how I was and my tongue transformed into a launching pad and words of my crushed emotional demeanor were the missile. He magically offered to deliver a hidden remaining rice krispie treat to my table. I insisted on waiting at the counter ... I mean why wait the minutes while he walks the length of the Starbucks...when I can wait and have it in seconds.

maybe

The instability of the last decade is being displayed in my speech. I use the words maybe and perhaps in my everyday conversations. I was just informed by "my daily
call" that I end our multiple daily conversations with "perhaps we will talk again"

The conversational change is maybe a subliminal affect of finding a close relative on the
floor in reaction to a bursting of a brain aneurysm. I see the picture of him on the floor
when my head hits the pillow at night.

We do not always know how life's randoms events will affect us. I honestly did not know I was ending
my phone calls this way until my "daily call" told me.