fashion mission

Wanting to look less like life's before picture, I recruited one of my gay best friends for a fashion consultation. A gentle mission quickly transformed into
a fashion boot camp with the sales associates enlisted as privates. Clothes were
being draped over the fitting room door faster then hostess cupcakes on a conveyor
belt and when I emerged donning the selected garment, my friend's face was of a dentist that had misjudged the size of a cavity. Hope was not lost, the fashion veneer just had to be applied from a different angle. When I was not struck dumb for his passion for accessories, "you must elongate, Rebecca", I would ask "are you sure this does not make me look like Bea Arthur in maude"?. My beloved stylist would wave me away seeking confirmation of specific wardrobe basics. black bras,spanx and sunglasses
Even though we suffered for his art, my closet is a new home to some striking ensembles and elongate has been added to my vocabulary.

books

A favorite condolence note regarding my mum's death was that she was in heaven with her nose in a book, my nose in a book is my idea of heaven. Books are my greatest companion, going to the library is like going to Disneyland. A stack of randomly selected books doubles as a literary slot machine when a sentence that perfectly articulates how I am feeling will emerge from the book's contents. Life lessons will spring from the pages of biographies reinforcing a navigation from auto-pilot to self propels ion in other parts of my non-reading life.

Books eradicate my loneliness, anxiety about the unknown and my craving for cheesecake. Reams of the written word was the focal point of my first blind date
and the cornerstone of most of my favorite memories.. I would explain, yet
I just bought a book that I am itching to start.

skin care

Resurrection of the relationship of one of my closest friends and of Christ from death occurred on the same day. Our last anniversary was spent with him in a hospital bed waiting for routine test results and me at his bedside. The sun's rays created a halo above his head and his face glistened with joy while viewing his Easter baskets. My friend took and cradled my hand and pulled me closer to him. I was basking with the expectation of his expression of what I had brought to his life
over the past year, he said I want to see you on a skin regimen. Acceptance may not be at the base of this particular relationship.

eternal love

I honoured my mum by attending a service at her place of worship on her first birthday after her death. The focus of the service was meditation. We sat in a sea
of silence concentrating on how to better perfect our relationship with quiet. Periods of meditations were laced with talks on how to become more at peace with our inner being. As I sat with my eyes closed, hoping for the best, my whole body and soul was transported to a place in a forest, surrounded by mature redwoods in a white nightshirt and bare feet, I went to hug each tree and the bark pushed my body
away, stepping away with each tree's rejection, I looked down at my chest and saw
red valentines day shape heart beating through the white of my gown.Just maybe the trees represented the first people I turned to for the love that would create the path to self love the path needs to start with eternal love to be propelled to
the best routes to external love.

pep talks

Yesterday,I was struck with an attack of conscience when interacting with a girlfriend. She informed me of her desire to perform on stage. I responded to her
confession with a pep talk resulting in a debate with my inner voice and outer voice. As my outer voice was saying, there is nothing you can not do, my inner voice
said nothing? she would not be able to negotiate weapon reductions with Korea. Finding it hard to present a viable response to my inner voice's position, I morphed
my statement (to my friend)from there is nothing you can not do to you will be surprised at what you are able to do. My inner debate ended when I ended the pep talk by encouraging my girlfriend to always follow her inner voice.

sparkling floors

Each night I stare at my floors and ponder the display of grime and the ultimate question springs to mind, "what if I am declared dead and my friends are faced with the task of giving my stuff to the goodwill, view this floor and it will become my legacy"? So one night, I poured water and a few dabs of Walgreen's discounted shampoo on the floor, with each stroke of the sponge mop, pixels of embarrassment
were wiped away from my self-image. Pride quickly morphed to panic, "did I dry the
floor properly"? My fear of slipping, becoming disabled and lessening my employment
opportunities lead me to cling to my furniture and walls like a blind person learning
a new floor plan. My floors are dry and sparkling and I can continue jay-walking without fear.

life lessons and public transportation

When I was in high school, I sat on the bus stop bench feeling sorry for myself because I did not have a date to the Christmas dance. A partially blind women joined me on the bench to excitedly report to me that she was able to save just enough money for a plastic Christmas tree. Her level of glee invoked a level of shame in me, I had more then I needed and I was engaging in self-pity and she was blind in one eye and yet she possessed a brighter vision of life.

In my twenties, a black man sat down next to me on the bus, feeling that I take to much room in life, I moved my purse to create room for him to sit more comfortably,
he exclaimed "I am not going to take your purse". Being stunned, I squeezed out "of course not", he did not appear convinced. The verbal exchange was an indelible lesson on what it was like to feel like an outsider.


I was staring at my tennis shoes and feeling that their dirt stains were emblems of my income reversal. The bus approached and as I paying the fare I looked over the passengers and I took in a rider without feet. It sounds like a country-western song! it is true. A perfect lesson of appreciating what you have, because the next person may have less.