Change Day

I will think of how I let my thoughts get in my way.., my response will be that the next day will be a new day... New opportunity to change..  then when I don't I wonder if I will know how

" Misery"

Harsh self descriptions slip out of my mouth... to naturally ..... I go to work looking like Kathy Bates from "Misery"

   It can give me pause that I can be so insulting about the most person in my life

Friendship Gardening

                 Friendships require tending 

Harangue

A man started yelling at me, in the middle of a restaurant, I felt free during his whole harangue. Each of his attacks were mentally met with an example of how I was free of him ..

When he yelled of me, during my youth, I only felt trapped... Determined I had no way out ...

I wish I was as fervent about how to become empowered

Two women Talking

 Two women were discussing aspects of their work place... The female listener made  a  low slow raspberry sound with her lips.... She said it was the sound of her spirit deflating

Out of Bed

I will become positive that the emotional marathons I have advanced have advanced me .., then their
are certain mornings I will lay in bed feeling like I have not progressed beyond my bed

Culinary Review

I found  two dead bugs in my apartment .... Is this a review of cooking?

Heart of a Humanity

I work in a call center that serves 14 states. Callers relay their life stories... Reducing costs to create the proceeds to bury her husband..., the first time he lived alone after a series of marriages.., an Islamic woman that told me how her religion colored her family

My headphones are a front row seat the heart of humanity

Nail Color

While I waited for a manicurist in an Asian salon ... I asked an American mother and daughter to pick out my nail polish color... In the event of alliance building

Required Reading

I am comprising a list of books to send to a man .. He is awaiting trial ..

I am thinking of puting, "In Cold Blood", at the top of list

Anything, Anytime

Reduced salt intake by reducing potato chip intake was a focus

I discovered if I engage in the purchasing of the chips, as a side to my sandwich, then give the bag
away ..,,. I will not miss them

I need to know that I can have  any food anytime

Jail Bird

A jail bird called me... He finished by the call by saying:

"I appreciate you ... I tell everyone about you.., I love you"

I responded: " everyday, in grade school, I would wish to be loved by a man living in the
big house"

Demotion or promotion ?

I was anxious about my lack sales as a call center agent.., I was pulled into a meeting... Asigned to a "special project"

Thought it was the perfect shake up .. ..  It was dropped on me that the project was for low sellers ..,

Their demotion is my promotion

Beyond Food

I was paid. I paid a bill. Reacted by questioning myself, " take out from what restaurant? Italian or Chinese?"

My answer was, "expand my life through acts beyond food".....

Vanity

I asked a woman how she got up for a 5:30 am class

She answered: Vanity

Slow Whisper

I have come to realize that my small talk could be duplicated for the  gentle instruction of a hospice nurse ..,It's almost over.., am I talking loud? Then I lower my voice to a slow whisper .... Always offering to read out loud to people ....

I am going to make myself comfortable

Public Refuge

I used to be freaked by the hancicapped stall ... Now they are my refuge ... On my work breaks,
I take my phone into the larger stall and text... Or read zine articles .. Leave voice mails

Public Kindness

Whenever I take public transport .., I become inspired by the kindness shared by strangers

About Food

I used to obsess about eating as much as I can.... eating food I did not like... I am now obsessing to strive to eat less

Strangely

A person and I texted several hours a day for a year and half ...,I stopped texting him ... he has not
appeared to notice.... Instead of sad I feel strangely relieved

By Crack of Light

There have been nights when I have gone from
the restlessness of my bed to eating peanut butter
by the crack of the fridge door light

Most recently, after a similar trip from bed to fridge... I weeded food  and replanted it
in the gargage

It gave me hope

"Finally"

Weight gain resembled my t-shirts into Plaster  of Paris shells.... The starting of my work
shift would reintroduce me to my discomfort with the (re) expansion of my body..,

I broke down and purchased better fitting clothes... I wore the new threads to work..,I

was convinced that people exhale "finally"

not a peep

Golden Elephant

I was whipping through a plus size rack of  cotton t-shirts. Acting fast and pessimistly, I discover an oatmeal colored cotton t-shirt with a gold elephant on the front...,

Interesting choice

Certain Dispositions

I am working in den of  dusk level darkness... I craft a neutrally worded sentence... and it will boomerang in a negative assumption of my behavior...

It makes me wonder if places attract certain dispositions ...

Even Those We Have not Met

I interacted with a manager regarding the crushing of
my instinct.., by a handful of supervisors ...

He appeared dismayed... He partnered his disappointment with the verbalized thought:

"That reminds me, I need to remind people to not
go against their instincts"

We are effecting people we have not met

Big Girl

The deli man loudly greeted me: "want to make u
happy, Big Girl"

Somehow I do not feel celebrated

Looking Up

I can be gripped by first impressions and people's response to them

It was perfect timing... The elevator doors opened when  I approached ... A man's eyewear caught
my eyes... Admiring them generated my frequently under-stated smile...,

He looked up as if he sensed it and smiled back

Eternal Anger

I am becoming more aware of my eternal anger.  It began to display it self to me when I became to ready to snap at a woman when she started to advise instead of sympathize with one of my stories

My theory for lessening the anger is to ride the wave, notice my reaction after being with someone and do not let  it be an excuse to mistreat  myself or others

Nail Techician

My posture personified my work place tensions. I splurged for a manicure..., the nail technician massaged my arms...

I began to cry... It felt like the more her fingers put pressure on my pores the more my grief was being
released through them