Flashbacks

I struggle with my anger... When anger flashbacks are triggered... I malign myself for not being more
advanced...

I have decided that a more positive advancement would be to let myself off
the hook

When I am ready ... The anger will flow away

Promise

I am fueled by the promise of a better day

No Match

A relative was in the hospital ..... I was getting reports ... Reluctant to visit

I went and talked to the hospital staff... The received information  contradicted the reports 

Nothing matches going to the source 

Veg All

My mother captained my college apartment... She furnished it by spending a day at target.. My living quarters was decorated with a collection of what had to be assembled..

Filling the pantry with canned goods was high on her mission.... She bought me cans of "veg all"
The frequency of the words would imply a motto... .. If u run out of money .. U have "veg all"
She would refer it as a fail safe ... Because it was all vegetables as close as a can opener..

I have yet to open a can of "veg all" I always think of donating it
 Every time I am in the canned vegetable isle
I think of my mother

Resulting in ....

The more I spend time with people that are uplifting ...affirming...self starting...clear communicating

I am quicker  to see the contrast of the people that are not that way...the stripping away of the following of my instincts and cultivating self doubt...

Resulting in forming a new more positive normal ...

Yawn

I rarely yawn ... Even with twenty minutes of sleep..... Until this week, I received a failing work
assessment and was informed that a desk neighbor acused me of passing roumers about a manager

From the moment of the emotional colision ... I have been yawning .....
Yawns that invoke my mouth to open wide.... Could this be an affirmation
of  the effects of the disappointment

Minor/Major

I am reinforcing,daily, that my minor changes can create fertility for major
changes

Apple Fritter

While selecting an apple fritter from a market bakery..  I realized I was propping the mini plexiglass door open with my stomach

Wooden Spoon

 Standing at the counter,while navigating a wooden spoon from Tupperware to dinner plate... I decided to divide the anticipated portion in half ... A way  to satisfy the emotional need to have seconds without consuming twice as the food

Personal and Global

Walking... I decided to practice giving myself  the breaks that I give others... Giving myself the benefit of doubts I give others...


Being as kind to ouselves as we are to the people we encounter... Would  change our personal communities and global communities

A New Layer

Residing, for the past three months, in survival mode.... Getting up ... Going to work... Going to bed... Repeat...

The recent awareness that I am not working towards completing a goal... Creating choices... has awakened me

A new layer of motivation is required

Unblocking

Whenever I anticipate not engaging in my habits for any form of time....smoking...sugar...soda .. I become curious about the new feelings I will be unblocking

Treasure

Whenever I think of contacting the Stallion, a man from my past, I tell myself, a treasure does not
do the hunting

Value of It

The value of keeping going is that it gives u a chance to become who you
want to be... and create a life you want to have

Each Morning

I am determined,to wake up each day, closer to achieving self acceptance...
simulating  desired qualities and habits into my daily behavior ... and more at peace
with my past

Porn Purge

Insomnia can lead to all sorts of watching choices. One such restless night prompted me to stumble upon a show about hoarders...

Viewing the purge portion of the show is my
version of porn.... Rare things give me more joy
then donating items from my apartment

Watching their release of  things gives me a vicarious
thrill

Safe Place and Savior

I adopted a family.   I  would give them "welfare boxes" ...boxes ranging from kitchen things...food...clothes.. or hygene products .

It started to feel uncomfortable.. they became more demanding then gracious...I flopped, in a grey zone, with thoughts of their hungry kids


The flopping stopped when I realized that I was striving to become a combined safe place and savior

I need only to be my own safe place and savior...

21

A girl revealed to me that she wanted to be 21 forever... The idea of being frozen in time
and not having the ability to learn what u learn in each additional decade ... Sounds really depressing to me..

Con Game

A woman went into detail about how confident she was... She,then, proceeded to ask me what I thought of her...

Finding your Jolly

A woman and I were discussing our daily concerns. She illustrated the weight and perhaps silliness
of them by pointing out  that she was, at times, forgetting to find her jolly