Reuniting with Him..

A person cut off contact with me..he re-connected with me.. I was questioning why he wanted to re-connect with me..when really the question should be why did I reunite with him..

Could Be Perfect..

Reporting of a person's dislike for me.."I could be perfect and she would still hate me".. the listener responded that could be true for most people.. perhaps it is about being true to yourself and having the most important person like you .. YOURSELF

Fumbling and Bumbling

Telling a friend that I viewed sex as two bodies fumbling and bumbling giving pleasure however they can.. She reacted by describing being in a standing kissing frenzy with a man and when she bent down tongue his money maker he went from a banana to a raisin.. I think it is a gift we give each other when we share " so you are not the only one" stories..

What is More Important?

I met a woman. She is angry about her lack of progress ..her lack of progress could be because of her anger. The woman appears to be stuck ..She is homeless. She walks from her required point A to Point C with "nine totes" The woman gets 300 dollars from welfare..not enough to save for a place.. She offers domestic chores in exchange for a room..she would be "glad for a closet..just something to call my own" The brown haired woman will be given lodging and then her anger debuts..she disagrees with how the house is run and then she is evicted.. Does her drive to be right over-ride her desire for a place of her own?

Petite Length

My newly purchased petite length pants are to long..just how short am I?

My Own Personal Wall

Prescription refills and treatment of new symptons has forced me to realize that I have rarely attended a doctor's visit alone...even in my thirties.. My father accompanied me to them. He sat wordlessly reading the New York Times in the waiting room..he was my own personal wall.. I must learn to go this area of my life a lone..

Going Black

I am thinking that if I did "go black" I would go back

Like a Zoo Animal

People live for temporary and extended periods of time at Boston's Logan Airport. A handful of people in various stages of appeared crisis will sit in a bank of chairs near the bathroom. The State Police will do sweeps at different points of time..usually early morning and late at night.. They will randomly evict certain struggling "guests" and asign them to the "boxes" There are two rectangular heated structures in front of one of the terminals..only one..It is lit and made mostly of glass..people sleep on the cement benches.. I always think the see thtough walls rob the inhabitants of their dignity..being displayed while they sleep.. like a zoo animal..

Anxiety Rings

I keep my phone on vibrate and in my bra. Whenever my heart races..feeling anxiety..I think a person is calling me

Back Hair

While I waited for the train, I itemized everything I wanted to change about my appearance. The packed train randomly placed me behind a girl with back hair..in various stages of growth..she was wearing a tank top. I thought of how much lighter her spirit was for not hiding it. We all have something we may want to change..

Physical Affection, Boston Style

Physical affection appears to spring forth on the streets of Boston. I see couples of all ages holding hands as they walk..hands around the waist of their friendly friend gently guiding them onto trains and through door ways Last night, I saw a couple quietly sitting on a park bench with their hands on top of each other The men and women are of all shapes and ages..it is a pleasure to see

Final Dabs of Toothpaste

I always think when I,DO, cry..the tears will overtake my body ..and I will convulse with sobbing A man was describing another man to me..he was using the man's weight as an arrow..my largesse gave me a sense of comparison with the target.. While listening to his words pierce the speaker of my mobile phone, I began to cry.. The tears did not not come as the expected wave..they came like the final dabs of tooth-paste from the tube..

Spare Bedroom

One evening, I was reading in a public place. A man quietly sat next to me. When I closed my book..his mouth opened. He was fom Africa and we discussed the differences in public education in our countries of birth..you know typical small talk.. The talk switched to discussing his personal history..then it happened..He offered me his spare bedroom.. His surounding words were.."a place for you to sleep..lay down..for the night" I was so startled at the casualness of the offer..his inviting a stranger into his home..I think I asked him to repeat the question When he was leaving for the night..He found me and confirmed his offer

Different Soup Kitchens

When homeless couples figt..Do their fights last longer because ....how do they escape each other..I mean they not can run off to their office..drown in Facebook or employ retail therapy.. Could they use different soup kitchens? opposite sides of the park? Research may be required..

Team Swedish Meatballs

Isn't the word, Right, inclusive? Right? particularly when paired with a compliment. Man: you are a smart girl, Right? Me: hey, yeah..I am pretty smart..you are RIGHT! Woman: you like swedish meat balls, RIGHT? Me: Of course, count me in for team swedish meatballs, Yay! The word,RIGHT, does appear to have be a uniquely solid conversation starter..RIGHT?

Foriegn Languages Room

I am known to say that I am a ditzy bright person and here is an example why: Staring at a stack of books in the Boston Public Library, I began to haggle a guess as why all the books were written in a foriegn pen. It just so happen..I was in the foriegn languages room

Love depositions

A man was texting me a series of questions about a chickie that he thinks could be a good galpal. Even though my feelings are self inflicted by volunteering for his love deposition..I want to cease the exchange with an option to revisit..on days when my sense of alienation is spotlighted ..it can be upgraded to featured as my phone pings with each question

Purse Strap

Happening on the train, My purse strap parted from my purse. The purse fell to the floor. Even though, I know I have to get a new purse..I can not. My purse is one of my few remaining pieces of evidence of a different time..a better time..when my parents were well.

"Masculine Energy"

I was engaging in hanky panky with a Russian gent..wanting to be affirming..I remarked on his masculine energy.. " Oh, you have such masculine energy" He did not dig it.. I reported my finding to my "super gay crush" and he informed me that masculine energy is reduntant. He suggested that I use the word "MAN" as in " you are such a MAN".."ALL MAN" Well that is easy..I can do that..do I dare branch out and utter the word "manly"?

Spitting out Words

A woman snapped at me. She called me bad names in the work place. The next day, she maligned a man for displaying twin behavior. Certain people do not remember the insulting words they spit out to people. So we must not own their evaluations of us.

Safety in Numbers

Where-ever there is a group there appears to be an opportunity to network. A group of homeless people gather outside the library. They discuss life. When-ever I see them ..I think about how lucky they are to discuss their shared experience...exchange information and perhaps there is safety in numbers.

Stay Lonely

A woman introduced me to a man. We had a good convo and he followed it up with a friendly text. I asked if he wanted to hang out..perhaps watch T.V. He informed the introducing friend that I was to old for him..also that he was lonely.. The man is in his sixties..perhaps it is the other way around .. STAY LONELY

"FUCK THEM"

A child hood friend would frequently say to me: "If they do not get you..then FUCK THEM" Her suggestion has motivated me on the harder days..

TA-DA

Do you believe in signs? I never know.. Standing among the book titles at the Boston Public Library, feeling stocked up with imperfection..needing a thread of hope A book title springs forth, "Loverly" by McHugh Loverly is an often used word in my e-messages and McHugh was my deceased mother's maiden name .. TA-DA: she was a librarian there are days when I want believe in signs more then other days..

Ma'am

I have always heard chatter about the coldness of east coast residents. People offer me their seats on the underground on an almost weekly basis.. Maybe it is because I look senior and feeble..I have been started to be called ma'am a purely dreadful amount lately.. Oh Geez!

Super Power

I have now achieved the super power of chin acne.

Clean nails

Walking from the underground station to the library, a man appeared out of nowhere.. a man that looked better then most people on their best day..pressed jeans perfectly arranged hair.. Man: I tried to help the guy..(showing me his manicured hands) I told him to clean his nails.. Me: I believe you Man: I am homeless too..he can't go to St.Francis to take a shower Me: Maybe it is to hard for him Man: He can't scrub up in a bathroom.. I shrugged and re-cleaned my nails for the fourth time this morning..

A Secure Place

You know the feeling of coming from the store ..where you went for the sole purpose of buying stamps..and you can not find the stamps..the nearly frantic searching A man rolled up a cart..similiar to a luggage cart at the airport.. transporting three white gargage bags..he lifted each bag..opened each bag..his hand crawled through the far depths of the bags ..appearing in need to find something to give him peace.. It made me think that if a person does not have a secure place to rest their things daily.. They always always feel like a person feels when they are looking for stamps

New Destination

I never wanted anyone to be lonely on my watch. Whenever I got word of human sadness or a sense of displacement..I would contact the person and volunteer a compliment and an amusing perspective.. NOW I ask myself if I want to talk the person..if not, then I hand it over to the universe.. BIG BIG CHANGE..I did not think I would reach this destination until my sixties

Only Constant

There are mornings when I wake up and think how did I become like this..who is this person? have roadmap of stress for a forehead..wearing glasses full time..used to only wear them for movie and T.V watching.. Have a verbal filter that is becoming more and more on the down-low.. No longer having certain people in my life.. I guess the the only constant is change and botox

Boy Crazy

I have become boy crazy in my forties. I moved to the east coast and have become awakened. Every man is appealing. I want to talk to every guy. Whenever I do talk to a guy, I want the convos to last a little longer..

Limp

A doctor informed me that I have a blood disorder. Resulting in walking with a limp. The upside is that my mobility has vastly improved. I have gone from shuffling my feet to returning to walking twelve flights of cement slabs a day. My periods of diminished walking rocked me because walking was always my therapy.

$7.99

I stumbled upon a discount store on my daily walk. While investigating their inventory, I discovered a bra for 7.99..yes, 7.99.. It was a padded bra that could lift your knockers high enough to have your cleavage collide with your throat. When purchasing the sweet threads, I asked the cashier: ME: 7.99? stop the insanity! Better yet, do not

Temporary Ring

There is a man... My friends nearly demand that I declare my crush on him...a facing up, if you will.. A crush just feels like, you know, temporary..once my possibly wanting gets into the mix ..which I do not believe I do..our communication could radically change.. I want to always be able to text him and get a return text within minutes.. I want the consistant reinforcement of my doing well on stage..I like that he tells me why he likes talking to me..I like being able to pick up the phone and get keen advice and observations.. Now wouldn't declaring a crush..something I may not even have..change all that?

On a Train

I watched an older couple getting on the train...they could have been in their late sixties.. The man was gently guiding her into a spot as the train started to move..he had his hand on her back.. I wondered why some people have that and others do not.. Is it a matter of letting your guard down and taking in love..a love that we are worthy of having?.. BELIEVING

Stevie Wonder

I was listening to stevie wonder sing: "People keep on loving each other" I thought of how a woman had joyfully, wordlessly handed me a coupon for a free Starbuck's beverage. I used it for a protein smoothie on a day when I did not have money for food. It hit the spot.

Civil Engineer

A civil engineer is a really polite engineer, right?

"FAT COW"

While a woman was scolding me, she kept referring to me as "OLD". She and I are about the same age. It reminded me of when girls would insult other girls by calling them a "FAT COW" like it is not already a symbol of weight to be called a COW..let's top it off by calling the person a FAT COW The comparison sprung the thought that we insult what we fear about ourselves..

Got Me!

A female friend ..potential girlfriend..was questioning a friendship with a man..her potential boyfriend.. I relayed her query to the man of the hour. Man: Well, why is she friends with you? Me: Because I am accepting, a good listener and entertaining Man: Why can't I be friends with you for the same reasons? you got me!

M.I.T Researcher

A M.I.T researcher and I were discussing our life placements. He clarified his position: The researcher: Even though you are on your planned path does not mean that you are secure about your planned path...

With Tension

A suitcase wheeling woman and I shared an elevator during her nightly commute. We discussed travel. I ran into her coming out of a door during my morning commute..she was wheeling the same suticase in the same clothes.. Carrying your belongings ... in need of keeping moving..can absorb every cell of your being with tension

Compact European

A man and I clicked during a word exchange. We shared a mutual wit. A few days later, the compact European greeted me with a hug..I stiffened.. I felt a little sad for myself

Panting

I was standing behind a register. My legs felt normal..When I began to walk to collect a garment..my legs were deadweights..it felt like I was walking against an agressive undertow Simple daily tasks like puting on pants became nearly impossible..I had,yet, to find a word to describe what had robbed me of what I used to take for granted

Darryl Hannah

Darryl Hannah is quoted as saying: I have wasted to many years being insecure and fearful

Breast Size

Women are informing me that my breasts are looking smaller..weight loss is named as the culprit.. Their evaluation is presented with an air of condolence

POP!

I wore a pair of black pants with a side zipper captained by a button. I bent down and heard a POP! "OH GEE WHISKERS! I checked my zipper through out the day ..waiting for it to unteeth.. it did not I wondered how much time is spent in expectation of bad things that do not happen.

Wheels

A woman referred to me as an "OLD BITCH".. the only thing missing is the wheels